Success Kid

Success kid

890 submissions.

Oh, now I get it! ["Tons of inside jokes in the reddit comments ", "Been on reddit long enough to recognize most of them "]
I'm so tired... ["Gets into bed and forgets to close the door", "Draft closes it for me"]
This just happened, and we have glass elevators in my building, so I got to look at his face as I went by... ["Guy wouldn't hold the elevator for me", "The other elevator door opened right up for me, and then his elevator stopped at floor 2, 3, and 4 while mine went straight to the 5th"]
It usually takes forever ["Went shopping for my father's birthday card", "First one i look at is perfect"]
Just finished up my first parent teacher conferences as a new teacher ["Only complaint", "My student doesn't have you next semester"]
It really is the little things. I even got to finish. ["Sex dream", "Didn't wake up"]
Advantages of being a student coming from a very poor household ["Grants increase the lower your household income is", "Gone from poorest guy at school to richest guy at uni"]
Guys will understand. ["Flies at urinal flying around my dick", "Pees on one"]
14 years later and we're still together and happily married ["On a date in high school, i laughed so hard i farted", "Date laughed so hard at me that she farted too"]
I honestly can't believe this happened. ["Went to the movies last night", "Wasn't annoyed by anyone"]
I should buy a lotto ticket or something. ["Taught my parents", "The difference between an ipad and a tablet"]
So glad I made this decision ["Bought textbook instead of renting because it looked useful for life", "Have needed it for four classes straight"]
This is the icing on top of a pretty good year for me. ["Quit a shitty job a year ago and started a better one a month later", "Just received a notice from the treasury department that after an investigation of their practices, i'm getting $2,500 in back pay from them"]
Sometimes it pays to experiment. ["I was out of bagels, so i put cream cheese on toasted english muffins instead", "It was delicious"]
I am so lucky ["Forgot to lock up my bike overnight on college campus", "Still there in the morning"]
A pleasant hangover ["Woke up hungover thinking i had 20 bucks", "Found 80 more"]
Idiots underestimated my genius! ["Puzzle box said 4-6 years.", "Finished it in 2 1/2 hoursi."]
At least I hope this was a success kid... ["Sneezed and farted at the same time in a silent library", "Sneeze was loud enough to hide the noise of the fart."]
I might be celebrating a little early, but I think I'm gonna make it. ["In two days it will be ", "5 years without smoking a cigarette."]
I guess I'm doing this English major thing right ["Professor starts class quoting my thoughtful discussion post", " didn't read the book"]
Job success! ["Been trying to get a job for two years", "Apply for two on a whim and get both on the spot"]
I can sleep with as many limbs sticking out as I want ["New bed laying on floor until i build a frame", "Dont have to worry about monsters"]
The store owner threw hot chilli powder in his face. Link in comments ["My highschool bully", "Just got arrested for trying to rob a liquor store "]
Huge Weight Off My Shoulders ["14 months after graduating, and after 10 months of underemployment", "Got my dream job offer"]
I dont know what she looks like from behind.....yet ["See cute girl with amazing legs walking up the street in front of me on my way to a date", "Is my date"]
Truly my proudest moment on Reddit ["Banned from /r/atheism", "For pointing out their hypocrisy"]
Every time one of these 'success stories' hits the front page this is all I think... ["31 years", "Clean, smoke-free, cancer free, aids free, not homeless..."]
66 million years ago I never would have thought this was possible ["Today i am", "65 millioh years dihosaur free"]
Say what you want about Wal-Mart, but this saved me a lot of grief. ["Tire goes flat at 8:00 pm on a saturday night", "Go to wal-mart and find four valve stems and tool for $1.96."]
Most efficient night of drinking this year... ["Left the bar at 2am", "Got home before 2am"]
We've been friends since for six years ["I fell in love with her", "She fell in love with me too"]
A great way to start my day ["Forgot to set alarm", "Woke up the correct time anyway"]
What I feel this meme has been lately ["Was being stupid", "Stopped being stupid"]
When you're a middle-aged couple, success can be all in the timing. ["I'm horny", "And so is my wife"]
I'm taking this to 11 ["First date with a fellow redditor tonight", "On my cake day"]
How many times does this ever happen? ["Logging into a website i haven't used in years", "Remember username and password on the first try"]
I'm starting to think I have a headphone fairy following me around ["Finds a pair of earbuds on the sidewalk, cleans them up and uses them for a month", "On the day that they break, finds another pair on the ground in better condition"]
First world problem averted ["Bought 70\" tv", "Remote control came with batteries"]
Raising a puppy can be a challenge. ["Puppy found cat poop in the yard", "She didn't try to eat it"]
I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like that, but hey, a win is a win ["Lost 30 pounds in 9 weeks", "Dick is still the same size"]
It smelled of elderberries. ["Took a dump so putrid ", "My dad smelt it across the house"]
hmmm... ["Was sick with the flu for over 2 weeks", "Lost 12 pounds"]
Karma's a bitch. ["Came across the biggest bitch in my high school", "On pornhub"]
Might seem small but I'm proud of myself. Nearly a year smoke free. ["Got drunk last night", "Didn't smoke a single cigarette "]
Success at the night desk! ["Working the night desk on campus", "Girl who i thought was really cute asked me for my number"]
Sometimes the Teacher Wins ["Farted while walking between rows of desks", "Students blamed each other."]
She claimed they were for "enjoying the surrounding wildlife". Sure thing. ["Incredibly hot next-door-neighbor hosts a housewarming party for us", "Her present to us is a pair of binoculars"]
Success Kid ["Went to the grocery store", "Got a basket without a clanky wheel"]
After spending a year at a branch campus and living at home with my parents... ["Got a letter from ohio state university", "Got in!"]
It might seem pretty stupid but it's been a month and I thought I'd never get to this point ["Got out of a long term relationship with girlfriend", "Haven't checked her social media in a week"]
Started the day with a win ["Almost out of milk", "Perfect amount for my bowl of cereal"]
It never hurts to prepare for the next battle. Had this achievement happen today! ["Thought of comeback after argument was over", "Got to use it when the subject came up again"]
To the Awkward Seal who has his report used to show what 'not to do' for the class, this is why you bust your ass studying in college. ["Professor shows the class examples of what to do right on their next assigned report...", "And he uses my last report as an example."]
Parenting success! ["For the first time in weeks, woken up by my alarm", "Not my 2-year-old"]
I get this wrong 80% of the time ["Put usb in the correct way", "1st go"]
Usually you have to buy from the resellers, but not this time. ["Got tickets to a sports event", "At face value"]
It's the little things in life. ["Jalapeno popper package says it comes with 8", "I got 11"]
After a 504 plan throughout highschool and several teachers telling me that mathematics were not my strong point... ["Lived off $0.37 in checking account for my enitre last semester of college", "Just broke $10,000 in savings while budgeting my own expenses"]
And then I get to work and have time to make this meme... ["Was running late to work", "Hit every green light"]
After a sweaty, smelly day of work with a very achy back, this felt quite nice ["After my third full day at my first job", "Experienced employee says i do a better job than most of the other associates"]
As a small business owner this felt real nice ["More than doubled sales from this time last year ", "Didn't lift a finger all weekend"]
Worth twice as much as a compliment from a woman. ["Gay coworker told me i had", "\"robert downey jr. hair\""]
Coworker needed the day off and was going to use some of his abundant sick leave if he couldn't swap with someone. This worked out well. ["Told coworker i wouldn't swap shifts so management would have to assign overtime to someone", "Get offered the overtime"]
I'm always afraid of the possibility of Reddit being blocked at the office, so this made my Cakeday. ["New i.t. guy at work sees me on reddit", "Recommends new subs to me"]
I like to think it went well ["Went on a coffee date with a cute girl", "No idea what kind of cell phone she has"]
Free food tastes better ["Jalapeno popper package says it comes with 8", "I got 11"]
Didn't expect to get this for another 10 years! ["20, just started college and working part time", "Boss promotes me to dream job despite not being \"officially\" qualified"]
My children love astronomy. I consider this a parenting win. ["My 5-year-old was asked in his preschool class to provide a word that starts with the letter \"o\"", "He suggested \"ophiuchus\""]
After 2 years without anything, this was a nice change. ["Weht out for first date", "She texts after saying \"i had fun, we should go out again some time!\""]
It took years of training and mistakes to get here ["Went out drinking last night", "Didn't send any texts that i regret today"]
This is a massive success when doing DIY ["Went to home depot", "Once"]
Not the biggest accomplishment in the world, but still a victory for me ["Over 200,000 people have visited my website", "Didn't spend a dime on advertising"]
Looks AND a skilled meme-creator. I knew I married her for a good reason! ["Wife is excited that her first ever reddit post made it to the front page", "Not on r/gonewild"]
It was risky but somehow I didn't fuck it up. ["Took a chance and gave my crush a kiss on the cheek.", "She grabbed me and gave me a kiss on the lips."]
It's the best investment you can make - no risk and a good guaranteed profit ["Ten years of studies, three years of steady income and paying off loans", "As of today, finally debt free"]
BIG success, after the death of my boyfriend a week ago. ["Heard a song we both liked", "Smiled"]
Success Kid ["Opened window to let fly out", "It flew out"]
Might seem small, but it made me feel good ["Only 3 of my facebook friends", "Were unhappy with the ferguson verdict"]
This Thanksgiving I know what I'm thankful for ["Turkey day?", "Cake day"]
I've never started this early before. I feel like I can actually enjoy the holidays! ["Day before thanksgiving", "All my christmas shopping is done"]
As a server, this is one of the small victories that I love ["Worked a double", "Didn't lose a pen"]
Traveling normally stops me up ["I've been staying with family for 3 days", "4 huge poops"]
I love forgotten money! ["Picked up change basket to cash in my coins", "Found $100 underneath that i forgot about"]
Probably my biggest success ["As of today", "Completed university"]
As a female watching football yesterday, succeeded during half time. ["Took a shower and shaved my legs", "Didn't miss the second half kick off"]
It was slightly boring, but I'll take it ["Had thanksgiving dinner with extended family", "No one mentioned politics, religion, or current events "]
As an chronic procrastinator, not going home for Thanksgiving was risky move. ["Stays in dorm for thanksgiving to catch up on homework", "Actually spends the time doing homework"]
I don't know what finally snapped, or why it did. It sure feels great though. ["Been depressed for almost 3 years", "For the last month i've been positive and happy, felt good about life."]
Ahhh, feels good man. ["Dropped my toast on the floor...", "Butter side up!"]
Thanks Jurassic World, I would've been shoveling snow for an hour! ["Reading the masrani global from jurassic world webpage when my parents come in to see if i could do some chores", "\"oh sorry, didnt know you were studying we will ask your brother.\""]
This takes a will of steel. ["Went to costco", "Only bought what i went to buy"]
How "black friday" should be dealt with ["Girlfriend isnt materialistic, my kids like hanging out with me and camping out for slightly lower priced shit is retarded", "Spent black friday hanging with my family"]
"This guy online told me this story..." ["Girlfriend refuses to use reddit", "I can steal jokes and never get caught"]
My mom wouldn't be very proud of this but I sure as hell am ["Live at home and commute to a very small university ", "Able to out drink friends who go to the top party schools in the country "]
I was worried about getting robbed ["First meet upwith craigslist seller", "No issues, item was in good condition, and nice seller"]
I've worked here for almost 2 years and today is the best day yet! ["Found a secret bathroom in a locked hallway", "With a double-locking door and excellent cell coverage"]
I have chronic depression. This was a small victory, but I'll take it. ["After 4 months of almost never getting out of bed except for work", "I washed and dried all my sheets and towels and played some video games."]
As someone who does this pretty often, this is a pretty big deal for me. ["Server says enjoy your food", "Didn't say, \"thanks you too.\""]
(Update) I accidentally said no to my crush when he asked me to study together ["Ask my crush to study together after i accidentally said no when he asked me", "He said yes!"]
Helpful Reddit ["Wifes new dog didn't like me", "I rubbed his ears now we are friends"]
90% of the time I have no idea what they are talking about ["Clicked on an /r/askscience post", "Actually understood the explanation"]
This happened coming home after working heavy overtime at my new job. And their fees aren't cheap...... ["Forgot to pay my rent by the due date", "Get notice that accounting of my building's owner screwed up and they can't accept payment for a few days, and will waive late fees"]
It's hard to have good handwriting on those pads. ["Signed my name for the ups guy", "He didn't have to ask me what it says"]
Every woman will understand ["Started my period", "Company has a chocolate fountain that night at the holiday party"]
As someone who hates public speaking, this was huge for me! ["Was asked to be the best man at my cousin's wedding", "Everyone laughed during the speech"]
I usually find these annoying, but it really is surprising how successful your feel. I even went to the gym! ["Was depressed", "Did stuff!"]
She's pretty active lately, so I took a gamble. ["Bought my girlfriend a fitbit", "Didn't take it the wrong way"]
15 months late to the party...but I managed it. ["Finally watched the end of breaking bad", "Unspoiled"]
Fuck yeah! ["Just woke up from an amazing morning nap after my first job", "Realized i have off from my second job today "]
Like threading a needle ["Boss walked in on me when i had my headphones on and my back turned", "I was actually doing work stuff and had work stuff on my monitor"]
The timing could not have been better ["Walk outside to check for package", "Truck pulls up to hand me my package"]
Felt like a weight was lifted ["After a year of being broke and in debt finally went shopping without having to worry about budget", "Still was withih my budgft"]
I feel bad for everyone else I work with, but I definitely dodged a bullet. ["Today they announced everyone at my work is getting fired", "I already found a better job last week and friday is my last day"]
The poetic justice of my situation is almost to much to handle ["Often called gay in high school for doing choir and theatre", "As a musical theatre major getting more ass than i can handle"]
Timing is everything. ["Had to fart in public toilets really loudly", "Someone used the hand dryer"]
It's been about 6 months ["Lost 50 pounds", "Someone finally noticed"]
I don't know how accurate Alexa is but I'll take it. ["Made goal to have my website be in the top 500,000 in the world", "Checked today, it's number 491,287"]
I just turned 40 ["Just turned 40", "Get carded for alcohol 3 times in the past week"]
This has never happened before and has relieved a ton of stress. ["December 11th", "Christmas shopping finished"]
It's the little things that keep you going ["Freelance for 6 months so can't afford nice things yft", "Won a 6 month gym membership"]
Reddit has invaded my dreams. ["Dreamt that i was taking a piss... out of two penises", "Didn't piss the bed"]
After years of trying to overcome my depression this is a major milestone ["Suffered from depression for years", "Someone told me today i'm the single most positive influence they know and make them feel positive about life"]
Normally they kindly reply in english... ["Posted in foreign language", "People replied in same language"]
I really want to get into radio and tv, so this made my day ["Talking to a girl i just met", "\"you have the perfect radio voice\""]
Thank God it did - there was no plunger. ["Toilet clogsafter taking a massive dump at a friend's house", "Second flush unclogs it."]
Tonight's going well. ["Thought expensive microphone was broken for the last year", "Fixed it"]
This doesn't happen too often. ["Messed up my password", "Didn't erase the whole thing to fix it"]
Small victories people...Small victories ["Slept with a new woman a few nights ago", "She never noticed that i have only one hand"]
It was quite therapeutic. ["Yet another rude customer gave me shit at the apple store", "I don't work there, so i'm free to call him a dipshit without fear of getting fired."]
It's nice to know that your work is appreciated. This happened a week ago and i still get chills when i think about it. Feels damn good man. ["Sous-chef for only 3 months, was put in charge of planning and making a menu for a popular and well renowned event at our establishment", "Received a standing ovation from the entire dining room at the end of the evening."]
More front desk shenanigans as I checked a couple out of the hotel this morning. He had just started to bend over to grab something he dropped when I cut loose ["Timed my fart perfectly", "Wife smacks her husband thinking it was him"]
I kept putting it off, but at least I remembered to floss ["Didn't see dentist for three years", "No cavities"]
You guys cannot beat me today ["Makes successful reddit post", "And gets together with crush at the same day"]
Been feeling a little down lately, so this was huge for me ["Actually gets out of bed", "Then goes to get a haircut, does some christmas shopping, changes car oil"]
Oh, Wisconsin... ["Drove home in a snow storm", "Survived"]
I would like to thank advice mallard and reddit ["Girl told me she has a tattoo on her groin", "Said \"i don't believe you\" and had her fully naked that night"]
Felt damn good :) ["Had heart surgery a month ago.", "Did 30 minutes of exercise at cardio rehab when the goal was 20 min"]
First cake day! We eat cake on cake day, right...? ["My cake day today", "There's cake in the office...for someone's birthday"]
I have not always been able to give my kids a good Christmas ["Got the gifts wrapped", "They don't all fit under the tree"]
I don't care how petty it makes me, I loved hearing this. ["Former classmate always bragged about how much smarter he was than everyone else and how much more money his family had", "Years later: unemployed burnout still living with his parents"]
I want to give up computers entirely, but at least there's a silver lining ["Harddrive crashed without any backups, so i replaced it and reset the laptop to factory settings", "Now i have a christmas present for little brother"]
I know the odds are 50/50, but this seems to never happen. Until today. ["Putting fitted sheets on bed", "Got it right the first time"]
We might not all have houses and nice cars but at least we've all achieved this measure of financial success. ["All my friends and i can buy each other rounds of drinks", "Without complaining or going broke"]
Guys would understand this ["2 shakes", "No drip"]
After a relationship with someone who had boundary issues, this is really nice. ["Made it to one year anniversary", "Still haven't seen each other poop"]
College Success Story ["Went to college", "Lost 15 pounds instead of gaining it"]
As the kids might say, this is pretty epic. ["Struggled as a single-parent and put myself through school", "Bought my 16-year old daughter a car for christmas"]
First time posting here, I hope I did it correct. ["Just found my lost pass to my reddit account", "Is cakeday!"]
It's the most tense moment of the whole process ["Finish building computer", "It turns on"]
Just an extra little bonus from my wife. ["Give a gift card for victoria's secret to my wife for christmas", "Sends me pics of her trying things on"]
A chance for success like this only happens once a year and doesn't always come through. ["Went x-mas shopping the day before x-mas eve", "Didn't get stuck in traffic or long lines."]
Moving on up in the world ["Last year gf tells me i wrap presents like a 2 year old", "This year gf tells me i wrap presents like a 6 year old"]
It was a weird dream ["Someone held a gun to my head in a dream", "Convinced them not to shoot me"]
Now I'm the hero of the family ["Heating stops working on christmas eve", "Able to fix it with a gentle hammer hit and wd 40"]
College Success ["All of my professors", "Come from english speaking countries"]
Judge me if you want, but this is a victory for me ["Had pizza rolls for breakfast", "Didn't burn the roof of my mouth "]
Fox News has not been on for 3 days in this house ["Showed my grandma /r/news", "Thinks it's better than fox news"]
Christmas Success Kid ["Won a sales contest at work. got a $700 gift card as a prize", "Used it to pay for all of christmas, and still had a little left over !"]
Might seem insecure, but I have to say it was a good feeling. ["Girlfriend threw out her dildos from before we started dating", "Both smaller than my dick"]
its the little things ["Finish off a bag of cereal", "Enough left for a full bowl"]
A great feeling to wake up to ["Had dream about going on a journey to win crush's heat", "Woke up after i won her heart"]
Success Kid ["Living with depression for years. been feeling good for awhile. catch myself smiling in a mirror.", "Do a double take and smile right back at that handsome guy."]
For a guy who misplaces everything, this is a big deal ["First cold day of the year", "I find both gloves from the pair i bought last year with 30 seconds"]
I still can't believe my luck! ["After searching for 11 months, i finally got a job", "Browsing reddit for stories to put on the news"]
Feeling a strong sense of accomplishment right now. ["Wrote 3 cheques in succesion", "Didn't write 2014"]
This New Year's Eve is a little special. ["Sent ex-wife", "Final spousal support check"]
Self esteem ["Ex girlfriend that treated me like shit tries to win me back", "Denied!"]
She had trouble with her own. ["Grandmother had a massive stroke last year. out of 11 family members", "She can only remember my birthday. "]
This is a pretty big win ["Didnt spend first day of the year", "Hungover"]
Essentially being paid 7 hours to Reddit today :) ["The residents at work get a free day to skip chores and play games", "I only have to keep an eye on them so i get to mess around on my phone and reddit all shift long"]
It's a situation we all fear, but I had an awesome new years party in the end ["Had friends from 2 friends groups come to my party", "Everyone got along"]
How *I* spent New Years ["Didn't invite anyone over for new years. had no expectations. went to bed early", "Woke up and felt ok because i didn't have high expectations"]
This usually doesn't happen for me until 2 months into the year ["Wrote down today's date", "2015"]
Booya suckas!! ["2 years ago i met a girl everyone said was out of my league and would never date me", "2 years later engaged to said girl! "]
This means I won, right? ["Got in an internet argument", "Opponent wished death upon me"]
And with money to spare!!! ["Managed to get everyone in the family what they wanted for christmas", "Rent is paid and current balance on all bills $0.00"]
Some days I love working in IT. (Followup!) ["Incoming new boss appropriated our christmas bonus budget to furnish his new office", "Just got the work orders to transfer his accounts to a branch office in the boonies"]
The guilt meter has shifted ever so slightly into my favor ["Girlfriend says she'll make you a card for christmas", "She forgets and you make her one"]
This has been coming for a long time and it's finally happened. It went much better than expected too! ["After years of uncertainty and fighting", "Finally found the courage to separate from wife"]
Usually takes much longer to get used to it... ["5 days in", "Wrote the new year correctly"]
Fabulous Life of IT ["Block the users abusive exhusband's numbers and email", "Calls me her super hero and tells me i am the blue power ranger"]
Just made my February 13th a hell of a lot easier... ["Bought all my valentines day cards ", "Today"]
Apparently this is what Success Kid has become. ["Am an adult", "Behaving like an adult"]
Hidden Advantages to Having a Son ["4 year old son potty trained....", "Finally another suspect when my wife looks for missing toilet violator..."]
I was pissed when my hubby called me hormonal last night, and this is how I apologized to him today ["My husband is always right", "We're pregnant!"]
Despite the ridiculous cold, I found some solace in my Toyota's engine this morning. ["-30 c all night", "Car starts"]
As a small woman wearing heels and walking alone this was a success ["Walked past a group of homeless men ", "Not a single cat call "]
He just became my new favorite teacher. ["Sent teacher an email at midnight", "Got a reply within 10 minutes"]
After waiting almost two years with no sex because my wife needed time to adjust after being pregnant being a mom ect, I am proudly able to announce.. ["Got", "Laid"]
I've dreamt of the day that this would happen! ["Gets brand new it job", "Installs adobe reader"]
with an order online promo, double score. ["I reluctantly spent $2 more on a x-large instead of a large pizza", "I get there to pick it up: \"we ran out of extra large boxes, so we made you two larges\""]
I was finishing the interviewers sentences ["First job interview in 7 months ", "Hired on the spot"]
Once you know the moves, it's easy. ["Finally learned", "How to solve a rubik's cube"]
Guess it's my lucky day! ["Falls asleep with wet laundry in the dryer", "It doesn't smell like nasty feet in the morning"]
Hey, I'll take it ["During bathtime, toddler son says, \"i love you daddy\"", "Right before he told the tub, the water, and his toy nemo that he loved them too"]
Stoked doesn't even begin to describe my excitement ["Been doing silly voices to entertain friends for most of my life", "Got first voiceover audition script from tv network today"]
Probably because I haven't written any checks but still, I've never made it this long before ["Almost half way through january", "Haven't written 2014 by accident on any checks"]
Everything went better than expected. ["Went out on a date on my birthday, hoping for a sexy time", "Ended up doing a threesome with her and a girl we met at the bar"]
Went through a break up that was harder for me than it was for her ["Found one of her hairs", "Didn't cry"]
It was about my future, and I was happy. ["For the first time in a long time", "I had a regular dream, not nightmares"]
Success Kid ["Joined mentor program at school", "Paired with a ceo"]
Spatial Relations ["Putting away leftovers", "Fits perfectly in the tupperware container"]
A rare victory on a payday Friday night ["Left the bar trashed", "Spent exactly what was budgeted and not a cent more"]
as someone who can hardly sleep through the night, let alone during the day, this was a big win for me ["Laid down after work", "Got over an hour of sleep"]
I'm almost 40, and this is actually the first yes I've ever gotten. ["Seven months since my wife left me, asked a woman out", "Said yes"]
When I woke up I was pretty worried. Then I was relieved ["Took a shit in dream", "Didn't shit pants irl"]
I called out a rude woman who was cursing at a gas station cashier and calling her retarded, because the girl was new and confused by the woman's punchcard for free coffee ["Put my hands in my pockets when she said she wanted to fight. \"sure. i'd be happy to send you to jail for assault.\"", "Found the cashier crying in the backroom a few minutes later and gave her a hug. got snot on my shirt and didn't care"]
I love my staff ["Bring snacks into work as a morale boost for my night staff ", "Staff bring in milk free snacks to return the favour because they know i'm lactose intolerant "]
We've been losing our minds ["After months of getting no sleep", "Infant daughter finally sleeps through the night!"]
This is a huge victory. I feel humbled and honored. ["Feeding stray cat that comes around my apartment for the last two years", "Today, she brought me a mouse"]
And I didn't even care ["Rip inseam of pants completely apart", "As i'm getting in the car after buying new pants"]
I don't take rejection well, but happy could say this out loud this time... ["They told me you are inexperienced for the senior position", "Told them do you want grey hair or grey cells"]
It's a yellow miracle. ["Lawn is covered in dandilions", "I love dandilions"]
Living in Michigan during this time of year ["Got home from work at 5:45", "Sun was still out for a little bit"]
Didn't even to yoga. ["\"you look like shit today\"", "Went to bed at 3am, got up at 1o and went to work hungover"]
After a year of working out this was a big deal...of course I collapsed into a sweaty mess as soon as she left. ["Able to match pace and distance", "With hot chick on treadmill next to mine"]
Today was a double win for me. (The book is The Martian by the way). ["Did a total of 9 hours of homework, didn't get distracted by internet or netflix", "Still had enough energy to read my new book"]
I'm ecstatic. ["After over a year of searching... ", "Got the job offer i wanted! "]
Last week was VERY stressful for my family, but good news was had all around! ["Dad had to have very major, very risky surgery", "Didn't die, and is almost ready to leave the hospital"]
The sex was nice but this was the real bonus! ["Wife wakes me up for sex after she works late. ", "Check the time and it's only 11:30pm. still got 7+ hours of sleep left!"]
I honestly thought I'd crash and burn by Halloween. ["From august to september had to relocate, buy a house, and start a new job", "House is still standing, dog is still alive, haven't missed a bill yet, and savings have never been higher."]
As an unemployed and depressed guy...this was a pretty big day for me. ["Showered"]
And i thought this would be a bad day. ["Given the wrong cake at the bakery ", "Have a new favorite cake"]
Success Kid ["Lost 20 lbs after surgery", "Still gone after 2 months"]
Maybe only other teachers will appreciate this, but I had only brought one of my preferred color home. ["Pen runs out of ink", "Exactly as i finish grading the last essay"]
It's the little victories that count the most ["Fixed dryer", "Without a repair man "]
i forgot about this until today ["Made my cake day", "On my birthday"]
I know a lot of people loathe getting a jury summons, but I love it. ["I got", "Jury duty"]
Swore off soda and started a work out routine this year. It's the little victories. ["Need", "A belt"]
I teared up as soon as he said it ["Very old father is dealing with alzheimer's", "Remembered my name"]
This was a serious confidence booster. ["Cute coworker overhears me saying that i'm a sucker for pony tails", "Wears ponytails exclusively for ~2 weeks straight."]
I'm an idiot, but a smart idiot ["Didn't see last question in exam paper worth 2oo", "Got full marks in other 8oo/ to scrape an x"]
The conversation didn't last five minutes, but it's a step in the right direction ["Has social anxiety", "Started a conversation with my crush today"]
The couple that reddits together stays together ["Wife and i are redditing together. ", "She looks at me and says \"we can't name our kids after you because i don't want it to be creepy if i shout your name during sex.\""]
It's been a good month for me. ["Decided for my new years resolution to talk to people i've never talked to before", "I now have more friends then any other point in my life"]
After a busy day yesterday, I just finished my presentation and realized this. ["Yesterday marked", "Three years since i last smoked a cigarette"]
I kind of miss it's warm, familiar glow now. ["Left my truck's light on all afternoon and the battery died", "Got a jump from a stranger and now my check-engine light is off"]
Time to get my life back on track. ["Had a dream about going for a run", "Woke up and went for a run"]
chronic back pain edition. ["Got off the toilet", "No shooting pain"]
Good way to start the day ["Peeing in a dream", "Not peeing when i wake up"]
So yeah... ["Wrote down the wrong hath homhaork", "Did the correct homhaork by mistake"]
8 people, 7 signatures. He claims it was an, "honest mistake". ["Person in charge of signatures for the thank you cards, purposely leaves you out. ", "Suspected this would happen, and preemptively buys a better card with personalized message."]
You've come a long way, baby [fixed] ["Eats dirt on the beach", "Became a superbowl ad"]
As a teacher I consider this not only a success, but a perk ["Accidently fart in class", "Students blame each other"]
As someone who suffers from social anxiety, this was a big deal for me. ["Left an acquaintance a voicemail", "Didn't momentarily forget how to form sentences"]
A massive victory for me. ["Went to the toilet today while someone was in the next cubicle", "Actually managed to shit"]
My brothers wanted to disown me for refusing the offer ["Got asked out on a date by an nfl player", "Declined because i love my bf "]
As a 28 year old, this is still a huge success ["Cut fingernails", "Not one too short"]
And it was perfect too! ["Only one spot open in the entire area", "Parallel parked for the first time "]
And I thought it meant I was going to off myself ["Diagnosed schizoaffective with bi-polar components in 2009, shortly after learning best friend's death in 2006 was really a suicide due to same illness", "Still around today"]
She just keeps reminding me how we're so similar ["Wasn't looking forward to v-day dinner due to the crowds and price-inflated restaurant \"specials\"", "Girlfriend prefers to stay in and make special dinner together and have dinner out another night."]
It might not seem like much, but it's a step in the right direction ["Only ever had hourly jobs at minimum wage ", "Just got a 35k salary job with benefits"]
one of my professors told me, "do what you love and good things will happen." Don't let people talk you out of the life you know you want. ["Majored in english because business school sounded boring", "Gets high paying job right out of college"]
Could have lost my job today.. ["Woke up 3 minutes before my morning alarm", "That i forgot to set"]
Went out last night and this happened ["Goes out drinking and dancing on a budget", "Sticks to the budget "]
With all the crap going on about entry level jobs needing 3-5 years experience ["Applied for an entry level job", "Got the job without experience"]
You guys know what I'm talking about. ["Split stream", "Both hit the water"]
Success never tasted so sweet. ["Yesterday was one year since my last drink", "Today is 365 days sober."]
I got a little scared... ["31 unread reddit mail", "None are calling me a bundle of sticks"]
Wife cheated with best friend and my boss had my blood pressure 140/120 said screw them both ["Haven't slept well in 6 months", "Filed divorce and changed jobs sleep like a baby"]
I really hit the jackpot with her. ["My girlfriend", "Has no desire to go see 50 shades of grey"]
After 9 months of hopelessly looking for a job ["Finally received a job offer", "Full time position, relevant field"]
Best bit of fillet steak i have had in ages ["Cooked steak for meal with wife tonight", "She has to work late so i get to eat both"]
She's read all three books ["Wife buys movie tickets for our valentines date while i'm at work", "She picks the kingsman and not 50 shades of gray"]
Damn am I feeling good today ["Had a date on valentine's day for the first time in my life", "Lost my virginity"]
Didn't have a Valentine but finally came through ["Didn't have a date for valentines day", "But text a girl from match for hours and set a date up for next weekend"]
Since I've received a few emails holding me to my promise of an update after Valentines Day...(original post in comments) ["Asked amazing girlfriend to move in with me ", "She said yes "]
I got really worried when she brought out her laptop. ["Went to grandmother's party", "Only asked for tech support three times"]
I didn't think it was possible ["Successfully inserted usb plug", "On second try"]
I hope this streak continues ["Work in an office filled with middle aged women", "Haven't heard one mention of fifty shades of grey "]
When we first split up I was so worried that I'd made a mistake. This was comforting. ["Dream that recently separated wife wants to get back together", "Said no to every advance in the dream"]
Who has two thumbs and is a proud scumbag? ["Obese smelly woman in aisle and center seat of my row.", "Bumped to first class when i ask if it is safe for me in case of evacuatioh."]
So I probably won't be sleeping with random girls anymore. ["Sleptwitha wohanwho failed to tell me she hadgenital herpes", "Test results are nehative"]
Staying safe on the road ["Itch in butthole while driving", "Vibrations from my fart scratched it for me"]
This is a great feeling ["Tell gf how the girls at work always flirt", "Sends me nudes during my shift \"remember what's at home\""]
I ain't even mad, bro. ["(now ex) bf broke up with me and moved out", "Toilet paper lasts so much longer now"]
Past-me always look after future-me! (Habit of saving is the best thing) ["Went broke", "Found out i have $6k in my big piggy bank"]
I swear I check every pocket and yet they still end up in the dryer ["Did laundry today", "Didn't wash a chapstick"]
After battling depression and a broken heart... ["Ran into my scumbag ex...", "Was with my much cuter new boyfriend, hair looked great, and wearing my new dress"]
I should do something about my social anxieties ["Go to get coffee from the office kitchen", "Nobody is there"]
I was told to expect otherwise ["Son turned 2 months old ", "Still haven't been peed on"]
I know you guys in every other part of the country will laugh at this, but as a Southern Californian, dealing with mid 70s to mid 80s for the last month and a half. ["It's finally cold", "In southern california"]
Kids aren't this only ones who get excited for this. I played video games in my pajamas all day. I'm 26. ["Woke up this morning", "Snow day"]
bullet dodged ["Was rejected a few years ago by a girl i liked", "Found out today she has herpes"]
As someone who has tried to quit many times before....I think it's sticking this time. ["Quit smoking for new year's resolution", "Still not smoking"]
I've learned to appreciate the small things in life ["Have only size \"a\" boobs", "Am a 42-year old male"]
Baby steps... ["Got up the courage", "To be rejected"]
Made it to class on time! ["Forget to set alarm for 11:00am", "Guy calls about craigslist ad and wakes me up at 11:10"]
This rarely happens, I always pick the wrong hand to carry with. ["Carried large collection of grocery bags up multiple flights of stairs using only one hand. ", "Get to apartment door ... keys are in the pocket with my free hand."]
The 2nd flush can be a bit of a gamble ["Clogs the toilet, no plunger", "2nd flush took care of it"]
With no plunger in the office bathroom a second flush was my only hail Mary ... ["Clogged the only toilet in the office with a big dump, no plunger in site. ", "Second flush fixes clog and saves the day."]
May not be a big win for others, Huge win for me guys ["Has crazy anxiety when calling girls to ask them on a date", "Girl said she would go out with me"]
It's been a tough few days so I'll take what successes I can get ["Farted with diarrhea", "Stained nothing"]
A victory for laziness ["Was too lazy to clean the snow off my car this afternoon", "That layer of snow is protecting my car from the freezing rain coming down now"]
Travelers know how rare this is. Seriously. ["Lands 20 minutes early at chicago o'hare airport", "Doesn't have to wait on a gate. "]
I'm proud of myself ["Over 100,000 link karma", "Never posted porn"]
What this meme has become ["I stopped doing drugs, stopped drinking alcohol, overcame depression, or started losing weight.", "Upvotes to the left."]
Feeling quite happy right now. ["Had to teach my brother a math topic that he didn't understand", "He got a 100% on the test"]
Happened two nights ago. I'm still in shock. ["I've wanted to hookup with a woman i've had a crush on for 4 years, but never tried because she dated a friend of mine for a year.", "Tells me she's always been attracted to me and has a threesome with me and her girlfriend."]
It's the little things in life... ["Tells dad i'm going to order chinese food, then realize i'm broke.", "Dad pays for food since \"i got him in the mood for it\""]
Feels bloody good ["Started running", "Rock hard morning wood is back"]
it's harder then it seems. ["Colored my hair blue", "Didn't dye the entire bathroom."]
I don't even get cravings! No patch, gum, or anything! ["28 years", "Without a ciharette"]
As a socially anxious 20-something year old guy, I can honestly say this feels better than when I lost my virginity. ["Work up the nerve to ask out a cute girl for first in my life", "She said yes"]
McChicken Sandwich Success! ["Ordered mcchicken sandwich", "Did not have 5 times the appropriate amount of mayonnaise"]
The new toilet is higher and has the two flush buttons for a #1 or a #2 ["Boss had a new toilet installed", "First to poop in it"]
You lose some, you win some ["Current doctor won't call me back for an appointment", "Former doctor gets back on my health plan and books me asap"]
The odds of it happening are 1 in hundreds of billions, if not trillions ["Was born"]
"Oh, no thank you sir, I have my own pair." ["About to go bowling", "Find out gym shoes i bought 2 weeks earlier for $3 are $150 bowling shoes"]
Men with SO's will Understand My Success ["Girlfriend asked me to buy her sanitary napkin at target", "Bought the correct one"]
New used phone. ["Purchased a used phone", "Had nudes on it."]
as an introvert, this was a nice surprise ["Hung out with someone for a few hours", "Didn't hear a single comment about how quiet i am"]
I'll take what I can get... (They're almost always from my state...) ["Conservative legislature says something extremely ignorant", "Not from my state"]
Started working out two weeks ago and was thinking about giving up when... ["Tried on pants that haven't fit since i bought them", "Able to zip them up and buttonwith no effort"]
Spring cleaning with my wife, this is her major success ["Tried on old clothes, they didn't fit", "Because they're too big"]
Just when I thought my Linear Algebra professor was a bad person... ["Forgot to do math homework", "Professor postpones due date for entire class"]
It was a close one, but I came out on top ["Had imaginary argument in the shower this morning", "I won"]
Ever get that feeling? ["Driving quickly when i felt the need to slow down", "Radar cop on the next block"]
Lots of people experience this, but it's more rare for me, so it's a bit more satisfying. ["Look at calender and notices birthday falls on day off.", "Looks more closely at calender and realizes birthday also comes with a long weekend and stat pay."]
Laundry day victories feel pretty good man. ["Putting away a ton of laundry", "Grabbed exactly enough hangers"]
Was sitting here, reminiscing, when an actual childhood success memory hit me ["Gave an awesome report on the spinosaurus ", "3 years before jurassic park 3 hit theaters"]
The improvisation paid off ["Forgot to buy my mom a gift for mothers day", "Wrote her a poem and she loved it"]
The best feeling when there's a fly in your room ["Fly gets into room", "Manages to find its way out"]
Got my hair cut Friday, left, and ended up going back to do it ["Got the courage to give the girl who cuts my hair my number", "\"what took you so long?\""]
I was staying at a friend's place and they had no spare rolls. ["Last sheets on the roll", "Clean wipe"]
As a fat kid on a diet, this is a huge accomplishment ["Made cookies for work function", "Didn't eat any while making them"]
I was blissfully unaware until i logged onto reddit. ["Got a blowjob and had a steak over the weekend", "Didnt know it was steak and blowjob day"]
The text included a (; face at the end ["Told - girlfrienditwax hatio- st-axd bj hayyesterhay", "She just t-ed me saving she bought st-s for tonigw"]
Guess who bought the coke tonight ["Wife told me i wouldn't make any money from my app", "Am currently $0.73 richer"]
After 3 days I am finally on the road to recovery. ["Went to the chiropractor today and he fixed my back", "Can wipe my ass again by myself"]
I wondered if she was sincere about how good it was, but this removed all doubt ["Fucked girlfriend so properly", "She bragged about it in her blog"]
I turned 21 a few days ago ["Got drunk for the first time", "No hangover"]
Shoe store error in my favour! ["Ordered the last pair of size 42 shoes because the internet is out out of size 43", "Open the box to find size 43!"]
AKA Humble brag ["Was worried my resume was shit", "Currently fielding more opportunities than i can keep up with."]
Nailed a job just in time! ["About to be laid off in three days", "Landed a job today that comes with a house!"]
Sometimes you just luck out ["Skipped breakfast", "Boss brought scotch eggs"]
Unexpected delight ["Bought a book off amazon", "Title page signed by author"]
I wasn't even sure if this warranted a return.. ["Sent my new levi's back because of a tear in the butt", "They sent back two new pairs"]
It took 15 years but my strategy finally paid off ["Ignored my wife's pleas to donate my old suit to charity", "Long enough for it to come back into style"]
My favorite type of exercise ["Tell fianc e i want to get in shape before our wedding", "She suggests we have more sex"]
Stomach flu for the last three days. ["Farted", "Didn't shit my pants"]
It took several minutes to convince my wife I had not cheated... ["I cooked such a good dinner ", "My wife thought i'd bought it at a resteraunt and put it in a pan"]
I would have had another two years of highschool, making money instead at a job I love ["Dropped out of highschool at sixteen", "Good paying job and extremely happy with life"]
Went to the dentist today ["Had jaw numbed", "Ate a burger after and didn't eat myself"]
Success Kid if you're me, Bad Luck Brian if you're the city. ["Area i live in has high unemployment rate", "No rush hour traffic"]
As someone who usually struggles financially but has been doing much better lately, this was a nice surprise ["Forgot i got payed 2 days ago"]
When we got bad news at work... ["North american regional manager told us the company is closing 3 branches, including ours within 90 days.", "I asked him to give me a raise for the next 90 days."]
I have been doing this ride 2x-3x a week for the last 2 months, this is the first time I can say this! ["Rode my bike 9 miles to school", "Didn't have to walk my bike up any of the hills"]
Now I can't complain feminism didn't do anything for me. #FREETHENIPPLE! ["Thousands of regular tit pics", "Thanks to feminism"]
As a depressed college student this was seriously amazing! ["Woke up this morning feeling down about life as usual", "Job i applied to yesterday called me, wanting an interview next week"]
Now about that WiFi price ["Flew across the country", "Neither pilot chose to commit murder/suicide"]
Talk about a confidence boost ["Lose 15 lbs", "Girlfriend: \"did your dick get bigger?\""]
That was a pleasant turn of events. ["Trying to make scrambled eggs", "Accidentally made an omelet instead"]
A very complicated lung transplant kept me outta the bedroom since June. I'm back! ["Slept with my girlfriend after being celibate for almost a year", "Lasted more than ten minutes"]
One family member at a time.... ["Made scientologist dad watch \"going clear\"", "His reaction after: what the fuck"]
My heart pounds every time I have to answer an unknown number ["Had a successful conversation with a stranger", "On the phone"]
A weight off of my shoulders. ["Student loans", "Paid off"]
The Silver Lining to Being an Attorney ["No sense of humor", "No april fools pranks"]
May be small, but for the first time in my entire life.... ["April fools day", "Didn't get april fooled"]
Probably because it was he only post not about April Fool's Day ["Most successful post i've ever had was on april 1st", "Had nothing to do with april fools day"]
I was so nervous. ["Had not been to the dentist in over 3 years", "No cavities"]
The riskiest move an engineering student can make... ["Turned down internship offer", "Received a better offer today"]
addiction got many forms ["Used to post in an online forum 3-4 posts a day since 2005", "Haven't posted there for 3 months"]
Im 22 and I almost cried happy tears on the way back home... ["After years of hard work and multiple setbacks ", "Finally put a down payment on my first car"]
I'm 31 ["Still get easter chocolate and card with $10 inside from mom "]
As someone trying to learn to complain less, it was pretty awesome! It left me in a better mood, too. ["Had a bad week", "Focused on all the good parts while telling my boyfriend about it."]
It has been a long time coming ["After months of complaints and 911 calls from various people", "My abusive neighbour finally got arrested and evicted"]
Girlfriend left me for being stressed about school and not having a job. It's the little things in life. ["Went to the best choice job that i applied to while with her ", "Got the job"]
Anxiety sufferers will understand ["Parked car on the street", "Still there in the morning"]
Felt bad for ordering 20 minutes before they closed, but the lone employee was loving it and I got one of the best pizzas ever. ["Guy working at dominos at 1:45am was stoned out of his gourd", "He loaded my pizza with extra toppings, covered it in oregano, and threw in two ranch cups for free!"]
Finally! ["I passed", "My drivers test"]
I thought I'd missed the bus this evening but it was right on time ["Bus is running 13 minutes late...", "So am i"]
Lasted about 6 seconds ["Loudest fart ever while on the toilet", "Nobody home"]
As a person who used to suffer from crippling anxiety, this always felt like a victory. ["Went outside today", "Didn't get murdered"]
Spring ["Something falls out of a tree and onto my head", "Not bird shit"]
Success No Kid ["Got a vasectomy"]
The wife was nervous at first but eventually she went with it. ["Got my 6 year old to actually go outside and play with other children a few days ago", "Hes doing it every day now and loves it"]
National Sibling Day ["Didn't post on mcebook about national sibling day.", "Neither of my brothers did either."]
After trying unsuccessfully for 12 years, my wife and I had given up! ["Got her", "Pregnant"]
I hadn't even begun the reading portion, let alone the essay. ["Huge literature assignment due on monday", "Woke up. i'm an adult with no homework for the rest of my life."]
Crisis Averted ["Ex texted me while i was drunk", "Told him it would be better if we talked tomorrow"]
You guys and your boring lives. ["Meet a disoriented middle aged man and discover it's actually me sent back from the future. ", "Woke up. time travel doesn't exist. yet."]
Being Old is Great Isn't it? ["No rent or assignments due", "Doesn't wake up"]
Simple solution to the pizza debate. ["Pizza is ready and i am naked", "Its digiorno"]
I had the best phone call of my life this morning! ["After finding out my gf had cheated on me repeatedly", "My std screening came back clean!"]
My butt hurts, but I love it ["Got a hot girlfriend", "She has a bigger penis than i do"]
After years of getting into abusive and shitty relationships, I consider this a great success. We get along so well. ["Two year anniversary ", "Haven't had a single fight, or conflict yet"]
Although it may not be a HUGE deal, after losing my job on Monday this completely made my day. ["Got a call to come in for a job interview.", "Based on my resume, they want me to interview for a higher position than the one i applied for."]
This is why I love this community. ["Dad needs kidney transplant ", "Money raised successfully thanks to reddit"]
Let's do this people! ["Dad needs a kidney transplant", "Reddit comes through for me"]
$300 is a lot when you're counting pennies vs bills to maintain your commuter bike ["Forgot i had money sitting in paypal for two months", "Just found my account balance"]
After always living paycheck-to-paycheck... ["Forgot that today", "Was pay day"]
As a Costco shopper I was so proud of myself ["Went shopping at costco", "Spent less than $100"]
The original success kid. ["Raised enough money", "To pay for my dad's kidney transplant"]
Feels like I live in a good part of the world ["Says \"hi\" to a customer child at my work", "Doesn't get told to fuck off by the parent"]
Considering how out of shape I am, this is a big deal. ["Went jogging for 15 minutes yesterday", "Didn't die!"]
Success Kid ["Was going to buy assassins creed blackflag later today", "Got it for free because of my gold membership to xbox live"]
I think I have finally made it as a musician. ["Playing guitar upstairs", "Hear renovation guy say \"woo\" downstairs"]
Sometimes dog cuddles are better than SO cuddles ["Pulled dog over to cuddle me", "She didn't stand up and walk away"]
Im calling this my win for the day ["Opened a window to let a fly out", "It went out"]
Some people quit smoking, I just quit Mc Donalds. ["Trying to quit mc donalds for good after a year of not eating and my favorite burger came back", "I didn't like it anymore"]
It is the little things in life ["Using tupperware", "Chose the right lid first time"]
I'm nearly 10 years older than her and usually have a hard time finding things in common that we both enjoy ["Trying to bond with nerdy/geeky 16-year-old cousin", "She thinks 90s nickelodeon is the shit"]
I saw my ex today ["I saw my ex girlfriend today", "She's gotten fat and ugly"]
I've been subbing regularly at a school in my neighborhood. Today I told one of the students that I'd be back on Wednesday. He seemed disappointed. ["Are you upset that i'm coming back or that i'm not coming back tomorrow?", "That you're not coming back tomorrow"]
I'm getting married next month and my fiancee just had her period. ["Getting married", "Before having a baby"]
I'm 19 years old changing my lifestyle. ["Weighed myself today", "Im below 2oo pounds for the first time in 7 years"]
this happened to me after being with my SO for five and a half years. ["Lost over 2 stone in weight, healthier than ever and becoming toned for the first time", "Find gf staring at me after a shower biting lip"]
Wolf know, the big ones... ["Used to be terrified of spiders", "Walked up and killed that shit with my flip flop"]
Compared to normal amounts of trolling, this was a pleasant surprise ["Got a a girl's number off a anonymous app ", "She didn't have a dick"]
I left my safety zone (people with panic attacks will understand this) ["After suffering anxiety or panic attacks for a while", "I was able to bike to a new unknown location far from home without having a panic attack"]
It's hard sometimes ["Got a haircut", "Didn't use too much shampoo"]
Its been such a long time but finally... ["Finally got over ex", "Actually enjoying life"]
I'll take it as a win ["Shit myself", "Make it to the toilet while holding turd between butt cheeks"]
Trains being blown over by wind. Large hail stones. Yep. I love this time of year. ["It's spring and summer again", "Here come all the cool extreme weather videos"]
At 18 I'm pretty proud of my life, and I still manage to send her money every month ["Moved out at 16 because my single mom couldn't afford me and my brother", "After working two jobs and maintaining 3.8 gpa about to attend my dream school on nearly a full ride"]
At 18 and about to graduate I'm pretty proud of my life right now and I still manage to send her money every month ["Moved out at 16 because my single mom couldn't afford me and my brother", "After working two jobs and maintaining 3.8 gpa about to attend my dream school on nearly a full ride"]
Getting Over An EX ["Finally got over ex", "Actually enjoying life"]
I still didn't have the courage to talk to her... ["Learning about nonverbal cues that signal attraction in my communication class", "Hot brunette sitting next to me is displaying all the signs"]
This guy just saved me 100 bucks and some labor ["Leave 2 broken plasma tv's in the back of my intentionally unlocked suv", "Someone takes them \"off my hands\" helping me avoid the recycling fee"]
At 18 pretty proud of my life right now, i still send her money every month ["Moved out at 16 because my single mom couldn't afford me and my brother", "After working two jobs and maintaining 3.8 gpa about to attend my dream school on nearly a full ride"]
After all this time nerving up ["I told my dad i'm gay", "He said me too"]
I've been training for weeks so I don't miss my final ["Wake up", "Before the alarm goes off"]
I have no idea why I get such a kick out of this. ["Lined up my wheel with the track at the automated car wash.", "Attendant guiding me in didn't have to tell me to go left or right."]
It's rare that this happens ["Watched a film i liked as a kid", "It's even better than i remember it"]
This is a true rarity nowadays. ["Found a gameplay video on youtube ", "With no annoying and unnecessary commentary "]
It's the little victories (Mild NSFW) ["Ex gets with a new guy", "Tells me his dick is smaller than mine"]
I never thought these things would happen to me, considering the path I was on. ["Six years sober today", "Received a promotion and 20% raise"]
I don't even care that this isn't the traditional success kid format, I had to share with you people how awesome my Sunday's been ["Successfully negotiated my first car purchase, found a last-minute apartment opening $300 under my budget and got laid", "Stress level has gone from 10 to 0 in the past 12 hours"]
Bet he will be keeping a closer eye on his dog now! Update to previous post ["Won my court case against the guy whose dog attacked my dog", "Was granted $1500 dollars even though the vet bills were only $200"]
I always liked my ex's parents ["Saw ex-girlfriends parents when shopping", "They talk about how big a mistake she made by breaking up with me"]
My ex in-laws are amazing people ["Sell my harley to buy a house with the woman i was going to marry", "8 years after divorce ex in-laws buy my old harley and give to me as a gift!"]
I'd like to reassure everyone ["I live in australia", "Still alive"]
For me, this is like winning the lottery ["Woke up after getting blackout drunk last night", "Didn't text anyone, buy anything or break anything"]
Just like to reassure everyone here ["I live in australia", "Still alive"]
A true success for May the 6th ["Didn't know about 'no homework dat'", "Didn't get any homework antway"]
Twenty years later, I still remember this. Looks like I showed him! ["Fifth grade teacher told me i probably wouldn't graduate high school", "Just fihished my masters program"]
As someone tired of collection agencies who purchase old debts and try to illegally collect, this felt good. ["Challenged predatory collection agency's mark on my credit report", "Removed from credit report in less than a week"]
After a back injury left me waddling like a penguin for a few months, I've finally recovered enough to do this ["Ran", "3 miles"]
I'm not really hurting for the money, but it's just the principal of the matter. ["Took my ex wife to court for child support for our two teenage kids that live with me full time whom she refuses to help out with", "Judge issues a judgement for support plus arrears dating back to when i originally filed for support"]
As a piece of shit son who barely does anything.... ["Changed my mother's mind about religion and marijuana all in one night", "Still told her i love her before going to bed"]
Necessity and Running late is the grandmother of all invention ["Needed to print one email for grandma", "She took pictures of her laptop screen to show her friends instead"]
Sleepy morning driving success ["Mind wandered, accidentally remained stopped at a green light for 10 seconds", "No one was behind me to honk and make me feel stupid"]
And people look down on porn.. ["Finally lose virginity to girl of dreams", "So good doesn't believe it was my first time"]
As someone with pretty bad social anxiety, I count this as a win. ["Sat in my car for over an hour outside of the gym", "Actually went in"]
It might seem trivial, but it's huge to me. ["Just graduated college", "Got a job in my field "]
As a mobile user, this was the biggest headache ["Webview was finally updated", "Reddit is fun app runs flawlessly"]
I've been trying to get him to go for a year. ["Bf says he'll only go to the gym with me if no one else is there", "No one else is there"]
Thank god for fiber! ["Gf teased me by taking nude photos and deleting them right after on my phone", "Uploaded to onedrive!"]
I was in a crappy office job and decided to go into Sports Medicine at 32 years old. ["Dropped out of my career and pursued a new one ", "Just got full time and a salary with benefits"]
The threat is very real and very scary ["Stomach starts gurgling at start of 30 minute commute", "Make it to the office without shitting my pants"]
It's always nice to see your efforts rewarded. ["Been going to the gym for three weeks now...", "Pants are already loose, and my double chin is gone"]
As an IT intern, this couldn't have felt any more awesome. ["Techs are stumped on a problem with a computer", "Fix it on my first try"]
I almost felt like throwing a party afterwards. That's how happy I was. ["Constipated", "Finally poops"]
This happens every time. I never have to buy them. ["Ask cashier for some napkins", "Gives me 1 million"]
I can't explain it, but I'll take it. ["Dig out an old shirt that i got too fat for", "It fits again and i didn't even diet"]
Looked at my bank account and made a few calls. I got $160 out of it. ["Banking error ", "In my favor"]
When traveling it is the little things that can make or bteak your trip. ["One empty seat on plane", "It is the middle seat next to me"]
It's the little things that get me by ["Yesterday in a nutshell: got bullied at school, had food and rocks thrown at me constantly by my abusive friends. parents divorce got worse", "Got to sit and talk to a cute girl at maths tutoring for 45 minuets last night"]
When a minimum wage earner needs government intervention for a raise... ["Learned a useful skill", "Already make more than $15/hr"]
These kind of things can really matter to a broke college kid. ["Lost my nalgene water bottle three weeks ago", "Found it"]
This made me feel a little better about my lunch at work today. ["Brought leftover fish for lunch", "Breakroom already smelled like fish"]
I'm glad I didn't give up after the first five minutes ["Used the reddit search function", "Actually found what i was looking for"]
This goes out to all those "Reddit Experts" who said it would be impossible to see results so quickly. Scale don't lie, bitches! ["Week four of working out and eating right...", "Lost 8 pounds, 2 inches off my waist and that 2nd chin is still mia"]
I'm so happy for her. life does have a way to make up for it. ["Aunt has been trying to have kids for 5 years", "Gave birth last night to a twin"]
It's all over the place ["Mowed my lawn", "Didn't step in any of my neighbor's dog shit"]
I ain't even mad ["Lost a game of chess to a 7-year-old", "My own daughter"]
Can't even describe the feeling of satisfaction ["Wife did something to her hair", "Noticed same day"]
Because everything is a competition ["Google maps says drive will be 31 minutes", "Completed it in 28"]
I love the Price Is Right ["Turn on price is right 10 minutes in", "Contestant has just started playing plinko"]
It's my 34th birthday. ["Outlived", "Jesus"]
I am sure the free strawberry shortcake I gave him has something to do with it. ["Fucked up a gentleman's order so bad at the resto where i work", "I handled it so well i have an interview with his company this week."]
My wallet was left unharmed... ["Went to costco", "Only bought the items i was planning to get"]
This was an unexpected surprise ["Went in for a $20 oil change", "Only had to pay $89"]
I've been drinking. Also walking. ["Checked for my wallet before i left ", "Instead of when i got to the cashier for more beer "]
Signed up for a summer math class with a "staff" prof listing (ie no prof listed) ["Prof name is finally posted just before the start date", "4.6/5 stars on ratemyprofessor (and hot)"]
Success Kid ["Had an abnormal pap, husband laid off work, truck transmission died, no money, can't afford home so moving in with friends, dealing with ptsd, ms acting up", "Second test show no cancer! everything is going to be fine."]
I also decided to look up a bully from my school days. It might make me a bad person, but I have never felt so much satisfaction and belief in cosmic justice. ["Looked up bully from school", "He's a worthless druggy that's in and out of jail, married to the ugliest white trash i've ever seen and can't hold down a job"]
On the topic of our childhood bullies... ["Looked up my old high school bully...", "No, wait, i actually didn't because that was years ago and i've grown up and moved on since then and don't obsess over the past, and i don't give even half a fuck what he's doing or where he is."]
He knows my order now too! ["Dont have to look up my middle school bully", "Heworksat the loxal subway and ridesa bike towork"]
While we are all talking about bullies... ["Kid used to bully me in elementary school for being fat so i started to diet like crazy", "Now in high schoool i am at a normal weight and he is obease and has no friends."]
Today was a good day ["Passed my class a driver test", "Quit my job delivering pizza"]
What a great time to be alive. All this info in a few clicks. ["Gossipy neighbor says our rental property foreclosed on and we'll have to move out ", "Public record check of landlord shows no such action "]
Blessed with a baby girl today... ["I've been to a lot of birthdays", "Today i see one"]
The relief; I'm a leaf on the wind; nothing is holding me down now! ["Lying asshole puts me through emotional hell", "Able to smile again. finally over him! "]
You know, everyone keeps telling me I earned it, but I'm still so blown away. ["Lived through ihaq, fought through engineering school surviveda painful divorce", "Just got a job offer with 2weeks til ghaduation, for $2ok more than iwished for"]
My best friend's 23rd birthday didn't go as planned, only one of the people we thought will came actually came. ["Took a friend to celebrate his birthday and most people didn't show up", "He really enjoyed it, and the smiled all night long"]
A lot of saying "no" to my favorite foods yielded a weird reward! ["Dropped 80 pounds since august", "No more belt notches left"]
I got a new job after 2 years of unemployment, eating once a day because I had no money, and being depressed. This feels amazing. ["Looked at my bank account", "I have over $1,000."]
Moving has it's perks! ["Found naked pictures on an old phone", "They were of my wife"]
Woke up and panicked! New record I think though! ["Woke up at 5:50", "Clocked in at 5:58"]
It was actually 4 days late ["Got period and cramps today", "4 hour -ms on monday x tuesday"]
The makings of a good Monday. ["Cat pukes", "On tile floor"]
It's the little victories in life ["Was about to hit the send button on message to ex", "Deleted it and didn't send !"]
Fathers of girls will understand. Two for two. ["Youngest daughter started her period this morning", "Before her mother left for work."]
I didn't even think it was fucking possible today ["Got gold for a comment", "That had nothing to do with /r/fatpeoplehate"]
Sometimes, posting on Reddit's personals can be amazing. ["Finally got up the nerve to post on reddit looking for a woman", "First woman who replies is cute as hell and lives 4 miles from me"]
Success Kid ["Just got a notification that oitnb", "Is now on uk netflix"]
May not be much compared to what others have been through, but it was still living hell for me. ["Suffered through depression, regular and social anxiety for the last 2 years", "Still manage to finish middle school with a perfect 4.0 gpa"]
When explosive diahorrea is good news (SWF) ["Wifewastsupwith morningsicxaess afhahaysafteradirtyweewnd", "Ends up beinga food poisoning from eating something dodgy"]
That kid at the US open is having double success if you ask me ["Qualified for u.s open at 15 years old", "Shooting better than tiger woods"]
I was pretty in shape during my high school years ["Gain a little weight my first year of college ", "'dad bods' are now an attractive thing"]
Follow up to Last years Best Day ever post ["After one year in a part time low hours job", "My wife got hired to a full time job"]
It was a very strenuous process. To all of you trying, it was completely worth it. It's indescribable, the feeling you have, to be able to say, "I'm off tobacco." Stay strong! ["One month", "Tobacco free"]
Already forgot to disarm the alarm once this week.. ["Gets home and realizes that alarm fob's battery is too weak to do anything", "Reseats the battery and disarms the alarm"]
This might not be a big deal for most, but it is for me. ["Whole life", "Without a cigarette"]
Best feeling in the world as a kid ["Mom comes to pick me up from friend's house", "Both parents talk to each-other for another hour"]
More of them are possibly just keeping quiet about SCOTUS' decision, but still a win ["Only had to ", "Remove one friend today on facebook"]
Felt like I was 11 and got a snow day ["Unsuccessfuly tried to get someone to cover my shift this evening", "Incompetent management has the job double staffed. i'm out!"]
Went to an amusement center today ["Played gauntlet", "No one shot the food!"]
It's only been 4 days, but I'm super proud of myself ["Haven't had a soda yet this week"]
Marry me now. ["Went on a date last night", "They didn't look at their phone once"]
Probably one of the most surreal dream I've experienced. ["Had a dream today", "Continuation of yesterday's dream"]
Sometimes it's the little things ["Two birthday parties and the 4th of july in the same week", "Still the same weight"]
I'm a hypochondriac so I was freaking out all day about this. ["Took a shit", "No worms"]
My 85 year old dad regrets signing up ["Was an early user of myspace", "Never had facebook "]
Oh Yeah ["Wife buys me set of cockrings with three sizes", "Smallest size was too small"]
I was feeling like a Scumbag Steve for bringing fish for lunch to work today ["Felt bad for bringing salmon for lunch", "Everybody else had tuna"]
Teary eyed as I receive my first paycheck after 3 years ["Jobless for three years, broke, neck deep in debts and about to have to leave the states in two weeks", "Finally get a job and receive my first paycheck instead"]
She might be the one. ["Went on a first date with a girl", "She didn't bring her phone out once"]
People with older cars will understand... I now know why memory seating positions are a thing. ["Got my car back after being forced into loaning it to my dad.", "Took two weeks, but i finally found my original seating position. "]
At a carton a week, I've saved almost 8000 dollars so far. ["1000 days", "Since last cigarette"]
And the people said ["Reddit heard reddit", "Big changes coming fast and hard"]
it has been a hard 4 years ["After leaving college while dealing with depression and working a shitty retail job for last 3 years", "Finally have a good paying job"]
Just so you know, it's Rock You Like a Hurricane. ["Struggling through my daily run", "Pandora plays my theme song"]
It's a small victory, but still ... ["Took transit to the gym", "Didn't need seatbelt extension"]
They say everything happens for a reason! But, damn this hurts. ["I tripped on a rock and broke my shoulder while out walking to lose weight i cant lift my arm and it will take 9 months to heal i'm in a sling for 4 weeks", "At the doctors office i found out i lost 5 pounds and have never been more motivated to improve my health."]
The small victories are what make the war worth fighting. ["Been dealing with major clinical depression for over two years, 10+ er visits, 3 hospitalizations, 1 suicide attempt with police intervention", "Three day weekend last week, cooking lunch when song i like came on. i danced and laughed because i felt so happy and like myself again."]
After working towards this for over a year, I still can't believe it's happening. ["Left home at 17 8 months in a psychiatric unit at 21 developed epilepsy at 22 and spent the last 3 years getting my life back on track - and my brother commsted suicide 4 months ago", "Still managed to complfte my university application and have been offered a place to study social work"]
The truck was hauling our flatbed trailer and skid-steer. Thanks to them, we found the truck before the police. ["Stolen truck gets offered to other contractors in the region", "Fellow contractors reports to us and we get everything back"]
Haven't Driven a Stick Shift in Years ["Claimed i could drive a stick shift at work", "Kihd of pulled it off"]
After a rough week of trying to cope, I feel so much better. ["Thought it would be good to stay friends with my ex after she cheated on me", "Told her off today and want nothing to do with her"]
I was spending $45 to $75 dollars per week. ["One month", "Without buying scratch-off lottery tickets"]
my advice on meth ["Dont do meth kids", "Because its delicious"]
Sometimes it really is the little things. ["Signed up for the amazon prime free trial for the primeday debacle. been ordering everything i can possibly need with free shipping before i cancel", "Bubble wrap to pop for days. "]
Chatting online with a friend, still got it ["Drunk", "Can still find the right meme"]
I have never been happier. ["Left my old job two weeks ago", "Found a job that i like before receiving my last paycheck from my old employer"]
I decided last year to learn a language on my own and today was kind of a surprise achievement of my hard work ["Been learning spanish on my own the past year", "Today i realized a thought i was having in my head was in spanish and not english"]
Gf wanted to test the waters Sunday. She told me two things. ["\"these people are crazy\"", "\"i'm never going to church again\""]
It happened this morning. ["My phone slips out of my hand while holding a coffee cup with the other", "Caught it with my foot and it never hit the ground"]
This just motivated me after I had plateaued for a few months on my weight loss ["Put on a pair of jeans ", "They were a smaller size i haven't been able to wear in over a year"]
As an eighteen year old kid about to leave home, I am pretty proud of this ["Leaving for college in a few weeks", "Parents never walked in on me masturbating"]
Well we're always talking about the "no experience, no job" paradox. ["Got a good paying job in the finance industry", "With zero experience and zero relevant studies."]
Pale people problems ["Went to the pool ", "Didn't get sunburned "]
This has to be the first time this has EVER happened... ["Did all my laundry", "Ended up with an even number of socks"]
Reddit's reputation has its upsides ["Mention i am a redditor during jury selection", "Not picked for trial jury"]
Hard work and perseverance generates rewards. ["Been dieting and exercising for months", "Finally caught a woman looking me up and down."]
I Celebrate Moments like This ["Almost swallowed a huge chunk of steak", "Regurgitated back from my throat and kept chewing"]
Success Kid (Dank) ["Just got an email that the parking for the concert i was going to tonight is sold out", "Went to print out my tickets and i prepaid the $10 for parking when i bought the tickets."]
My wife said my son was acting embarrased during a movie last night and when she asked him why he awkwardly admitted he really liked looking at the women's boobs ["Just like his dad"]
Suck it nature ["Came back from run", "Just before heavy rain started"]
Every time someone tries to rickroll me... ["Follows youtube link and gets rickrolled", "Video is not available in my country"]
Well, not that I know of yet... ["Spent a whole day in the bronx, ny", "Didn't get legionnaires' disease"]
I definitely got my point across. ["I'm tryna find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful", "Damn you'se a sexy bitch"]
There will be no squat walk for me today, thank you ["Realized i didn't have any toilet paper", "Before i went to the bathroom"]
The upgrade that pays ["Got a new time tracking system at work", "That gives more paid time off than before"]
Next objective is to get them into Dragon Ball Z and Bleach. ["Played minecraft and watched adventure time and teenage mutant ninja turtles with my younger brother and sister today", "They got to bond with me, and i didn't get judged for watching awesome tv shows or playing video games"]
When I Get Stressed Out My Stomach Revolts ["Suddenly need to puke while sitting on toilet", "Turned around fast enough to avoid a mess"]
Unexpected response from my date ["Date compliments me the awesome dinner i cooked for her", "Was left overs from last night"]
Getting back in to the dating game... ["Asked cute girl i've been talking to if she is religious", "She said no."]
Success Kid adopts a older cat. He now nurses on my earlobe as well. ["Adopted the neighbor's cat", "He started cuddling me within two days."]
In a house with 4 other guys, this is very uncommon ["Put a can of coke in the fridge last night", "Didnt wake up till 3pm today, coke still there"]
7 long years of work finally paid off ["Finally became an", "Eagle scout"]
Pretty much reddit today ["Found a photo of a racist girl", "Better spam r/punchablefaces to get free karma"]
I've been abusing the privilege lately and it makes me feel like a kid at a candy store. ["Been in an interracial relationship for two years", "Finally have a pass to use the \"n\" word around her in private"]
I'm not even sure what the guy was raging over, but he had his wife and child in the car with him. ["Road rager follows me into parking lot", "Cops follow him in and immediately light up their lights"]
I recognised the landscape immediately, but it took me a while to find the exact location because the area is 3.5x bigger than Texas ["Finally got my province on geo geussr", "Scored 4999 points"]
Perhaps this should've been a Forever Alone meme. ["Completed a 2 player challenge in little big planet", "In single player mode"]
The customer service was really nice and gave me a full refund on shipping due to the product being a day late. ["Pay $50 for next day shipping. product comes a day late", "Get two day shipping for free"]
Best birthday present ever! The timing couldn't have been better. ["My wife had a baby 3 days ago and today is my birthday", "Her boobs doubled in size overnight "]
No pink t-shirts here ["Sent son off to college", "He's been doing the family's laundry for years"]
There's a first time for everything ["Last night", "Husband got me to the first \"multiple\" orgasm of my life"]
The moment I judge a class by ["Receive syllabus from professor", "It's not double-sided"]
A year ago it would have been the other way around ["Left for mcdonald's", "Went to the gym by accident "]
I have multiple copies of it now incase of a repeat ["Accidentally deletes hain mihecraft world", "Uses recuva and finds it"]
Success Kid ["Managed to avoid r/spacedicks", "Til the day it was quarantined."]
Ich bin glücklich Deutsch zu lernen. ["After almost 20 years of learning latin, classical greek, and other defunct languages", "I finally passed the first level of a language that's actually spoken today"]
All In All, I'd Say It Was a Good Night ["First date", "Didn't fuck it up"]
The next nearest repair dealership is 18 miles away. ["Motorcycle started coughing only four blocks from repair shop. managed to drive it there without stalling.", "\"moved to a new location\""]
Big success for someone suffering from social anxiety – Daily battles. ["Subway catchier lady says \"enjoy\" ", "Did not answer \"you too!\""]
This fall marks my first anniversary without a single major depressive episode, and now I've got a nice cherry on the cake! ["Research mentor compliments me on my summer research", "Allows me to continue the research with him over academic year"]
Today I was a successful adult. ["Missed an overdraft fee on my debit card", "By $0.29"]
Just occurred to me... ["I've never seen 2girls1cup", "And never will"]
First time it worked ["Hot girl bragged about her body", "Sent me nudes after telling her \"i don't belive you\""]
It's the little things that keep me going ["Opened winrar", "Double clicked the file before the trial subscription box came up"]
And just when I thought Chick-Fil-A couldn't get any better ["Went to chick-fil-a at 10:27am", "They let me order from both the breakfast and lunch menus"]
I cant stop smiling. ["Just saw a picture of my ex who i haven't seen in 15 years", "I dodged a bullet on that one. we were engaged too!"]
Job security ["I have been nervous about job security as an uber driver.", "Uber just sent a message that my driver rating is in the top 10 percent of partners."]
I play every year, but I don't know shit about football ["Fantasy football draft", "Didn't draft keyshawn johnson"]
Driving to work in traffic this is a big fear of mine. ["Start to panic when i smell burning motor oil", "Not my truck"]
Reading about being tracked on whatever sites you visit. ["Never had a facebook "]
It's a good day in southwest Florida ["Tropical storm erika weakened", "And it's my cake day"]
Tinder success ["Only posted group pics", "She's the hot one"]
It's Still Minimum Wage, But It's A Job While I'm In School ["Got fired froma job i've been at for 4 years that i hated", "Just got hired at a head shop"]
If you've ever cooked eggs sunny side up for children, then you can relate to this ["Egg shell disintegrated into bits and pieces when i cracked it", "Egg yolk intact"]
I don't know much about football, but I think I'm gonna have a great season... ["Had my first fantasy football draft last night", "Drafted the best punter in the nfl"]
I almost forgot what it feels like to laugh genuinely. ["Haven't been genuinely happy in 5 years", "Laughed so hard with friends tonight i cried"]
Thank you, new reddit algorithm thingy ["Actually have to work today, can't check reddit for several hours", "Front page is mostly the same"]
It's all about the small victories. ["Vacuumed out the car", "Extension cord didn't get stuck under a tire"]
I will never look back ["One month ago", "I had my last cigarette"]
Cause I'm stronger than yesterday ["Snake bite to the penis", "Link stays blue"]
4 months really takes a toll. ["Ran into abusive ex, after they cheated on me", "They were hungover and overweight"]
I have some extremely attractive coworkers ["Invited my boyfriend to my work's labor day pool party", "Everyone has cellulite"]
As a local at the San Diego Zoo this morning, this felt like mild success. ["Saw obese white woman causing a scene in public", "Was german, not american"]
Some runners may call this easy, but after a summer of only playing video games and drinking a lot of mountain dew then joining my school's Cross Country team, I consider this a success. ["Went on a 5.2 mile run for practice", "Didn't stop to walk once"]
I didn't fall for it again so jokes on you! ["I click on my mail while browsing r/unexpected", "I actually have a message"]
Late to a conference call ["Late to a conference call", "Still first one there"]
I'm always happy when this happens, and don't feel one little bit guilty about it ["Store that gave me shitty service for an overpriced product", "Justwent out of business"]
I was quite happy ["Left an ink pen in my shirt pocket, and washed the shirt", "Found the pen before it went into the dryer"]
It makes me feel like She-ra ["Everyone tried the jar", "I got it open"]
I had to speed a little ["Every morning i catch two long ass red lights", "First time in two years i catch em both green"]
The best happy feeling i've felt all week ["Washed clothes with two pens in the washer", "Everything came out clean with two pens inkless"]
Saved by the bell ["Annoying coworker comes to my office to talk", "My phone rings"]
Actual Advice Mallard, You Da Real MVP ["Girl said she had her nipples pierced and i told her i didn't believe her.", "Sent 3 pictures of her pierced nipples to my phone"]
First day at new job, and I consider this a major success. ["Somebody's birthday that i haven't met", "Free pizza and cake "]
Success kid ["Made enough money from this meme", "To fund my dad's kidney transplant"]
After two years with you bastards, I think I am actually beginning to tolerate you. ["Posted something on my cakeday", "Didn't get downvoted into oblivion!"]
Nobody knew it was my cake day at work, but having this happen made all of my effort as an unpaid intern (& college student) pay off. (Story in comments) ["Answered video call on my laptop while prepping it for a skype speech to the event's audience", "The honorary chair of the organization i intern for immediately greeted me by name"]
In a rush for food on the road ["Arrived at mcdonald's at 10:45", "Still got breakfast"]
A successful failure? I'll take it. ["Upload unknown song to soundcloud in hopes that reddit can identify it for me.", "Soundcloud automatically removes it on copyright grounds and tells me what the song is."]
There is no need to know. ["Read two stories on the oregon shooting and chris mintz", "Still have no idea who the shooter was and frankly i don't care"]
It was the most exercise I've gotten in months ["Google fit gives me a notification that i met my one-hour goal", "While i'm pooping"]
Introvert win on campus ["Saw someone i used to work with walk out of a building", "He was on the phone so i didn't have to make small talk"]
It was nevertheless really awkward ["While talking to a hot girl, i searched \"small talk topics\"", "Didn't even need it"]
Karma's a bitch ["While walking on the sidewalk a guy purposefully drives through large puddle to spray me", "Hydroplanes, hits curb, and blows a tire"]
I was shocked ["Had to get 2 prescriptions filled.", "Total cost was $4.72"]
I'm fortunate to have a great team of people around me who made this possible. ["Started a small business and have been working my butt off for nearly 9 years", "My small business has now grown into a large business"]
After a long day of paying bills, this turned the day right around. ["Had to sneeze mid-piss", "Didn't spray urine all over the bathroom"]
My wife knows what's up ["Asks for a roll of toilet paper.", "Yells omaha, and is ready for the snap"]
Haven't dated or even flirted with a girl for five years. I was speechless for a minute at the thought some girl thought I was even mildly good looking. ["Got a match ", "On tinder"]
Most of it was just because I know it needed doing or I volunteered to do it, while my brother was mostly on Clash of Clans on his Ipod when I'd seen him today. ["Parents and older brother think i'm lazy and just spend all my time playing video games and browsing the internet", "Mowed a part of my huge lawn, cleaned my room, made my bed, did my laundry, emptied the dishwasher, and picked up the dining room floor"]
I've had good bosses and bad ones. Looks like I've learned something ["Boss for less than a year, de cided to pay we ll, cumpliment initiat iye and e nc ourag e cooperation ins tead of compet it ion in at eam int heir first jobs", "They exceeded my expectations for the first time"]
I think Yom Kippur gets a bad rap, it's really a win-win ["Atoned for all sins", "Lost 1.5 pounds"]
College is so much easier when you're ready for it ["First time through college struggled to keep a 2.0", "This time holding steady at a 4.0"]
I'm a bus driver. This always feels good. ["Detour on route", "Didn't get lost"]
I did weigh 255 when we first met... Doc seemed surprised when I told him of the loss. ["Lose 50lbs since last cardiologist appointment, weigh in...", "Overhear \"he's not obese, he doesn't fit the profile\" before the doc walks in"]
Today was a good day ["Randomly ask dentist for a discount on treatments", "Get 385 $ off"]
Went to the dentist today. ["Went to the dentist today. ", "Didn't get told \"you're bleeding because you didn't floss.\" "]
Who had the best day ever? I had the best day ever. ["Start singing bohemian rhapsody", "Classroom full of 7th graders joins in"]
I knew I needed to get to work early today and I had to cut something from my morning routine. ["Didn't wear makeup to work today ", "No one asked me if i was sick"]
I'm oddly proud of this ["Been a week since the oregon college shooting", "Still don't know the shooter's name"]
This was a real confidence booster. ["Went dowh on a girl", "Doesn't believe that it was my first time"]
Single dad victories. ["Baby hates when i cut his nails", "Hasn't scratched my face this week"]
Vven the cashier noticed my big smile ["Forgot my shopping list in the car", "Remembered all three items"]
As someone who checks the news regularly at work, this is a nice little win. ["Mass shooting last week", "Haven't seen the shooter's face yet"]
I'm pretty introverted and have a little social anxiety and there was a work meeting today. ["Made a joke in a meeting ", "People laughed "]
Win of the day! ["Sold my tv on craigslist", "Didn't get stabbed"]
It's kinda like winning the Academic lottery... ["Havent had the money to buy all my text books this term", "Google ebook preview includes the section i needed to read for today's class"]
I never would have thought to see myself change this much in 5 years. ["When i was 18, i was arrested for marijuana charges with $3,000 in court fees and no money in bank.", "Just hit $10,000 in savings and $1,000 in stocks!"]
good kid ["14 year old son facetimes me while hanging out with five of his buddies", "Ends the call with \"vait, i love you mama\""]
I only post late at night and during the wee hours of the morning (USA) ["Eight people in australia", "Find me funny"]
It's a she. ["Just broke up with my gf", "My best friend offered me a bj"]
Screw you, Subway ["Got a fake $5 as change from subway", "Used it 2 days later in the same subway without a problem"]
This may be more memorable than the first time we had sex. ["I introduced the girlfriend to back to the future", "On october 15, 2o15!"]
It served me quite well when I was dating a year ago ["Was able to use \"netflix and chill\"", "Before everybody caught on"]
For National Coming Out Day, I came out as bisexual to my extremely religious family ["Grandmother tells me i'm going to burn in hell", "Entire family supports me and uninvites her to christmas"]
The last time this happened was early high-school. Didn't think it would ever happen again. ["Fits into shirt 3 sizes smaller", "Than largest shirt i've worn"]
Annoying little shit runs over to hit me ["Annoying little shit runs over to hit me", "Smacks head full force into my knee"]
After a long battle with depression, I've been trying to take better care of myself. Looked in the mirror and smiled today. ["Working out and eating healthier", "Now have only one chin"]
Literally netflix and chill. ["Asked on tinder what i'm looking for. say eat ice cream and drink slurpees while watching netflix with the a/c on", "She totally loved the response. scored major points."]
Success Kid ["Put a pair of pants on i haven't worn since last year", "They still fit and need a belt now"]
I didn't think someone else's iphone would get me out of a ticket. ["Going 15 over and notice a speed trap too late", "Cop doesn't see me because he's on his phone"]
It's the little 5-second rules of life that count ["Dropped bagel topped with cream cheese", "Bagel rolled on its side. caught it and resumed eating"]
I didn't even have a good excuse. I just messed up. ["Running half an hour late for a work in my first month", "Boss took unexpected and unannounced out of town business trip that morning"]
After spending $700 on Winter Tires a few weeks ago, this felt nice. ["Successfully replaced part on my car", "Saved $180 from quoted price to get it done for me"]
I hate stupid rules. ["/r/pics says no screenshots and deletes post", "Takes picture of phone and posts it"]
Thank God. ["Didn't buy any candy ", "Didn't get any trick-or-treaters "]
WooHoo! I was right! I'm smrt. ["Typing a tricky spelled word into a text", "No suggestions or autocorrect "]
It's been 2 months.. ["Finally found out", "My lab partner's name"]
So I guess I have to move to LA now. ["Been teaching myself web development for close to 2 years because my biology degree wasnt cutting it", "Got hired as a front end developer making close to 2x the money"]
Imgur never stood a chance... ["Saw the imgur halloween challenge", "Beat it in just 5 mins"]
It only took about 1.5 years, but now I don't feel as bad about all those song purchases ["Hit play on all songs on my ipod", "Listened to every single song during daily commute"]
I love it when my kids play around the dinner table ["Bring kids to dave and busters", "They actually play with other kids"]
On the job hunt..... ["After job interview they say they'll get back to me in the next few days", "Offer me the job within 2 hours offering 2k more than advertiesed"]
As a southerner, this was a great relief ["Lesbians arrested for kissing in public", "Not in the south"]
I was really angry that it happened, but know I'm just thankful. ["Accidentally spoiled some of game of thrones for myself yesterday. ", "Forgot all of it today"]
Going above and beyond for your clients pays in unexpected ways too. ["Got pulled over doing 80mph in 55 zone", "Trooper is a customer of mine. let's me go with a warning. "]
I adulted hard today! ["23 years old", "Opened a roth ira account!"]
Try to best #1 ["Try to best one #1", "Yes! gain today.."]
I can't even express how glad this made me ["Getting in my car to take a box to the ups store (15 minutes away) to return something to amazon", "Ups driver pulls up to my neighbor's house to make a delivery, happily takes my box right then and there"]
Science rules (How to open a car that's being stubborn) ["I couldn't openaz picsted cucumbersas the udwas too tight", "I soaked the lid in hot water so the metal would expandand itworked ?science"]
Posted a few weeks ago about my decreased number of chins. Stepped on the scale yesterday and... ["Officially no longer overweight"]
My son has become Glorious! (will xpost to /r/pcmasterrace) ["Bought my son a computer for his birthday", "He just sold his xbox for fallout 4"]
Hope it brings us good luck! ["Getting married today", "Realize it's my cake day"]
I'm not the only pet owner who feels this way. ["Cat puked", "Not on the carpet"]
First time for everything ["Went on amazon after midnight", "Didn't buy anything"]
After seeing the gif of the jihadi blown up by a mortar mid sentence ["Pretty sure", "A mortar shell won't be coming through my living room window while watching tv tonight"]
My first weeks experience with anti-anxiety meds. ["Week 1 no long get hard ons for no reason no longer horny as toad no more anxiety no more drepression", "Week 2 random hard-ons back horny as a toad no more anxiety no more depression"]
It took me 10 years but I'm finally relieved to be getting my degree ["Lost my sister to breast cancer and due to depression dropped out of college", "Finished my last class today with a 3.95 gpa"]
Reddit Victory ["Gunfire in paris with links to news site", "Guaranteed to click on the comments first. redditors are always the first on the scene."]
Trying to kick the Redditcion ["Show i'm watching more interesting ", "Than reloading my reddit post for comments and karma"]
finally! ["Remembered ", " my cake day "]
Wife always cooks because the stuff I make is usually inedible. After tonight, my confidence is definitely up. ["Made brownies from a box for the wife as a sweet gesture", "They're delicious"]
I am 34, have put them on a thousand times, but each time it feels like a success ["Got the tie length correct", "On the first try"]
Literally just happened to me ["Dropped two glasses piled together", "Neither broke"]
My small vacation for FO4 made today a little more awesome. ["Spent three days straight playing fallout 4", "Finally new links to browse on reddit"]
It's a crap-shoot ["Headed to men's room for morning constitutional", "Got there as cleaning attendant was finishing up"]
My coworker always wants a ride, never chips in for gas, and never shuts up on the ride in. I felt bad for her so I always gave in when she asked. Not anymore. ["Annoying coworker asked for a ride to work", "I said no"]
Confidence escalated quickly ["See ex girlfriend at party", "Asks me if i've been working out"]
After 10+ years of being in college, grad school, or working low-paying jobs this is a huge success for me. ["Can finally afford", "To buy gifts for my friends and family"]
It's the little things in life. ["Payed for 3 day shipping", "Delivered the next day"]
What's wrong with having kids? ["Born in the 1980s", "Married, have a 2 year old kid, looking forward to having another child!"]
Any day you get cheap Pocky is a good day ["Goes out on black friday", "Getv a ton of pocxt"]
Score 1 for the U.S.A! ["Thanksgiving day", "No terrorist attacks"]
I'm gonna use a sippy cup next time ["Spills water on gaming keyboard", "Keys still work"]
Sometimes, laziness pays off. ["Haven't taken my christmas tree down since last year", "Now it's acceptable to have it up again"]
It's the small things in a student's life ["Decide to sleep in instead of going to an early lecture", "Find out two days later that lecture was canceled"]
As rare as opening a box of mac and cheese perfectly on the first try ["Pop a bag of microwave popcorn", "Not burnt and only 4-5 unpopped kernels"]
They tipped her $2. ["Overhear a group of 6 seated behind me plotting to dine in dash after running their waitress into the ground", "Alert manager. watch as they try to \"get their wallet from the car\" unsuccessfully. $7o bill paid."]
One small victory ["Went through boyfriends internet history", "We watch the same porn"]
After a week of Nuclear grade shit, this came as a huge relief ["My turn to change the poo diapers", "One solid piece, almost no need to wipe, and happy baby that lay still and smile"]
Mom of the year award! ["Saved some of my sons halloween candy", "Put it in his christmas stocking "]
I really like our new GM. ["Been working at the same place for the last five years", "New boss tells me she can see me in management in the future, gets me an 85 cent raise"]
It being this cheap after this long still surprises me. ["Got 24 gallons of gas", "For 35$"]
I didn't poop! ["Dozed off between bouts of diarrhea, dreamed i shit my pants", "Didn't shit my pants"]
I've been waiting for this day for over 4 years. ["Divorce was finalized today", "Ex wife didn't get a damn thing"]
No matter how plush the toilet i am just more comfortable in mine - and that not a small thing ["For someone who grew up in the poorest neighbourhoods in nigeria", "I prefer to use my toilet now "]
Finally ["After years of asking my mom for money because we couldn't pay a bill once in a while", "Finally had te money to buy a nice christmas present to thank her and start paying her back "]
I don't post a lot, but it still feels good. ["Redditor for two years", "Finally hit 1000 link karma"]
There...I said it ["Merry christmas"]
Fat guys will understand the fear ["Took a dump at my friends house", "Didn't need the plunger"]
Diet and exercise (along with skipping milk and cookies) seems to be working!!! ["Later today i'll be taking my kids to a christmas party at our local library", "They didn't ask me to play santa this year!!"]
I'm still having trouble believing this happened. ["Showed wife new tv show", "She paid attention and didn't look at her phone once"]
Three more weeks that I get to enjoy this. ["Doesn't have to turn on lights to walk around the house", "Christmas tree is more than enough light"]
Box set itself was nearly $35 after shipping and taxe, but their 25% off 1 item discount and Attack on Titan letting me qualify for free shipping made it down to $30. Getting more for less feels good. ["Currently reading a copy of game of thrones i borrowed from the library two days ago", "Just bought the entire series of a song of ice and fire that's currently out, along with a copy of the first attack on titan volume, from barnes and noble for $30"]
Apparently this is a big deal since I am male. ["Got a cold", "Don't think i am dying"]
Finally saw Star Wars ["On reddit since release", "Nothing spoiled"]
Was a huge relief after finally getting home ["Hada hugeassignment due the next day that i haven't even loowdat", "Woke up at home with my family because i wrote my last fihal 3 daysago"]
Literally a shot in the dark. ["Went pee at night", "Didnt miss a drop"]
One benefit of a birthday before Christmas ["Winter sales of games have begun", "Already got steam gift cards from my recent birthday"]
1/6/1~~5~~6 ["Six days into the new year", "Haven't written 2015 on any paperwork yet"]
Today was a great day... ["Got a haircut today", "My nose wasn't itchy"]
I had no idea they could end like this. ["Ended 4 year relationship", "On good terms"]
Somebody is looking out for me. ["Have 4 finals tomorrow and have done little to prepare", "Snow day"]
Then it's a relief to get it over with ["When you hate grocery shopping and finally get to the point fuck it! i'm making a list!", "You're defiantly going to the store the next day"]
I got super drunk and deem this a huge success! ["Had dream that i shit myself", "Didnt actually shit myself"]
Still got it... ["Had to write the date for the first time this year", "Wrote 2016"]
I've been the clumsy guy at work lately. ["Fell down the stairs at work", "No one saw it. "]
When she walked in I had a small panic attack. ["Got prostate exam from attractive female doctor", "Didnt get a boner"]
In light of the post about what this meme has become ["Went to bed last night", "Didn't wet the bed"]
What this meme has become [FIXED] ["Made complaint about what this meme has become", "Made it to frontpage"]
I think I'm cheating some derelict god of new years resolutions ["Made new years resolution to stop making new years resolutions", "Kept it for 5 years now!"]
Reddit today ["Asked out my friend ", "She said no but didn't card me"]
Google Fiber put C卐mcast in their place pretty fast. ["Google fiber is coming to town", "Comcast quadrupled my speed and lowered my bill. get to drop them in a few months anyway."]
I don't know how i managed this far. ["Haven't had a cig", "In 22 years"]
I had waited in fear for so long ["Waited 2 years to make a comment on /r/askscience", "Got an upvote instead of getting deleted"]
I quit smoking two weeks ago, and just had a huge success..Tho my hands are still shaking.. ["Had to buy lighter to light girlfriend's birthday cake", "Didn't buy a pack of cigarettes"]
I did it. Have you? ["Completed my new years resolutions", "Before the next new year starts"]
I've lost 70lbs since August. You never need to wait until January 1st to start something. ["No longer wear a size 42 pants", "Wearing a 34 for the first time since high school. "]
Just saw TFA! ["Went and saw the movie", "Nobody made any noise or distractions"]
Animal instinct ["Dickhead in line at club being a dick and fucking up the chillness ", "Random dog arrives to investigate commotion and promptly pisses on dickhead's leg"]
Let it snow... ["Used the snow blower for the first time this season", "Starts right up"]
Even happier I didn't realized that I had passed the milestone ["1 year and 7 days sober"]
I plan to upload another video soon with my vastly improved version of the impression ["Posted a stitch impression (disney's lilo and stitch) on youtube", "People thought it was fake"]
Shame they pay managers a buck or two over minimum wage ["New manager at work barking out orders and dispatching drivers. just wrong. ", "General manger steps in. says shut up and listen to this guy. he's going to save you time and money"]
left my abusive husband and finally... ["Had a good night's sleep", "After many nights of recurring nightmares that he's coming to get me"]
Every fully formed dump is another victory ["Confirmed c. diff patient", "Shits have been solid for six days and counting"]
After the first of three flights in a 14 hour trip ["Gate agent calls me to the podium. \"would you like a direct flight instead of stopping in detroit?\" ", "\"oh, and it looks like only first class is available on that flight.\""]
Don't know how my Reddit addiction has driven me here. ["Wanted to post a eli5. did a quick wiki to check spelling", "Found much more info than you busted lot could provide"]
After reading all the in-law horror stories, I'm even more grateful to have these wonderful people apart of my life. ["Father in law is a highly successful business owner, mother in law is the best cook in the world ", "They are the kindest and most welcoming people i know "]
Was in a major hurry ["Drive thru at tim horton's was too long ", "Walked in and out faster than the drive thru "]
So lucky ["See first start wars spoiler", "Just saw movie 2 hours ago"]
A simple, unexpected success ["Cut piece too small", "Remaining piece is the perfect size"]
I refused to let this Christmas suck ["Got the flu just in time for christmas", "I got to spend all day on the couch watching netflix and playing video games"]
The real satisfaction of Christmas ["Broke as fuck from buying christmas presents", "Get enough money from presents to live on until next check"]
I'm lucky I'm still alive ["Got rear ended and my car was totaled", "The other driver had full coverage insurance"]
who knew dad jokes would ever be useful? ["Whenever my so said \"i'm cold\" i said \"hi cold, i'm auburnite24o\"", "So no longer complains around me"]
Does this count? ["Make new years resolution to lose weight", "Get horrible diarrhea and lose 5lbs in two days"]
Extended family friends ["Calls me uncle", "Am not actually his uncle"]
Everyone's a winner ["Uses app to find song builders are humming to make a playlist", "Gets compliments and a tiny discount"]
Free Shipping Baby! ["Needed to order some stuff from", "Order total $35.02"]
1/6/16 ["Six days into the new year", "Haven't written 2015 on any paperwork yet"]
My brother and his girlfriend broke up in front of me. This would have an awkward seal, but I'll vicariously post a success meme in his honor for handling it well. ["Angry breaking-up girlfriend accuses him of being too immature. he replies with, \"a sphincter says what?\"", "She says, \"what?\""]
To those reminiscing on when they quit ["Quit smoking years ago", "Don't remember the exact date because it wasn't that significant"]
Well I realized it might've been 1.5 years... still 250 subs nevertheless! ["Thought 20 subscribers was good", "1 year later; almost 250 subscribers"]
Its the small victories in the morning that make my day ["Wipes snow off the windshield", "No frost underneath"]
a very big day for me. The last week has been a very difficult fight against my own demons. ["For the first time in over 15 years with my battle against alcohol", "7 days sober and counting"]
It feels good to be a part of solution. ["I just become", "A feminist"]
This gonna be a new thing? Awesome... ["Asked downstairs neighbor's that i do not get along with at all to turn down music. ", "Get a text reply \"on it\""]
A little circlejerk but made me happy a few times. ["When you post a legit question with no response and no orangered", "And revisit the post a day later and find the answer in another thread. "]
Feels weird, but nice. ["There was something i wanted to forget a week ago", "Can't remember what it was"]
The non-calculator math portion was a bitch to get through, but I'm still amazed at how well I can do on a test when I barely pass Algebra II in school. ["Always made to feel like a dummy in school", "Got a 1200 on the psat, scored in the 90th percentile as a whole, in the 93rd percentile for reading and writing, and in the 83rd percentile in math"]
I don't even know who is Kylo Ren ["Haven't seen the new star wars yet", "Managed to dodge all spoilers so far"]
Male Redditors will appreciate this. ["Finally", "Peed that thing off the side of the toilet bowl"]
As a guy who struggle with anxiety and depression, this means a lot ["Friday i will go to my first date in 14 years"]
He's a great dad. This is just one of my personal struggles. ["Struggle with constantly looking for father's approval", "He said something i wrote was funny"]
I've been working on my weight since the summer, it was nice to hit a good milestone today. ["I've officially ", "Lost 70lbs "]
It's taken me awhile but today I finally did it ["Dressed appropriately", "For the weather"]
The best feeling. She's 6 months. ["Sisters newborn didn't like being held by me", "Only one who can make her smile on command now."]
I'm a winner, baby! ["Bought a powerball lotto ticket", "Won $3"]
Small victories, I guess. ["Girlfriend of two years broke up with me", "Never changed her netflix password"]
My New Years resolution was no more scratch-off lottery tickets ["Found a discarded scratch-off lottery ticket on the ground", "$20 winner"]
The chances were about 50/50 ["Took a flight after a month of watching air crash investigation", "Didn't die."]
It took me 4 years but I finally made it ["After years of sacrifice and hard work", "I was promoted to manager today"]
This couldn't possibly work, right? ["Made this incredibly stupid meme as a joke", "Most upvoted meme of all time"]
Driving a older car on these cold mornings ["Car started", "On the first try"]
Getting treadmill with a TV was enough of a win at the gym, being able to just hit 'Last Channel' was awesome. ["Two shows i want to watch", "Alternating commercial breaks"]
I saw her name on her Starbucks cup so I made a deal: If I could guess her name she owed me coffee next week. ["See cute girl on thain", "Actually ask her out and get her number"]
Being From Toronto and seeing all these snowstorm pics... ["Haven't had", "A snowstorm yet"]
I look like a different person! ["Lost 90 pounds", "Asshole exec who hates me doesn't recognize me anymore and thinks i'm my own replacement. "]
A victory that rarely happen ["Finally finish ", "Doing my homework"]
I know some of ya been here but awesome when roast beef is $11 a pound. ["Deli girl slices off twice the amount of roast beef i asked for. ", "Removes extra to get down to my request weight. throws the extra in my bag after printing my sales tag. "]
After the uber crappy year I had, this was a huge win for me. ["Did my taxes", "Getting back double what i was expecting"]
During Dinner Last Night ["My wife's friend said", "You are a very lucky woman!"]
As a total STAR WARS nerd of a parent, I'm insanely proud of my daughter tonight. ["2 year old daughter goes to bed", "Takes her stuffed chewbacca and darth vader with her"]
The Last Three Years Were Pretty Rough ["Got", "Laid"]
A good start to the semester ["First project meeting of the semester", "Everyone showed up on time"]
I look, and more importantly feel, way better. ["February 2015 to june 2015 lost 50 pounds", "June 2015 to february 2016, kept the 50 off. "]
Not that it's too hard to fix, but still a big achievement for me. ["Made it a full month into 2016", "Without accidentally writing 2015"]
Feeling like a true vic today ["Don't have loyalty card", "Cashier scans one for me"]
I was so relieved, but not really ["Dreamed about using the toilet", "Didn't wet the bed"]
I love when this happens ["Had a vivid dream about going to work", "Woke up and it's saturday"]
The IRS must like to party ["Got my tax return", "On a friday. "]
Took pretty much my whole tax return but it feels good! ["Just paid off", "Student loans"]
i've never had positive karma come full circle so quickly before ["Met a cool guy at the bar, offered to pay for our next round", "Turns out he knew the owner and he got me free drinks for the rest of the night"]
Gotta admit the ride home was only 3 minutes, but still a great feeling ["Put sleeping baby on a birthday party in her baby seat, drive home, out of the baby seat, in sleeping bag and in her bed", "Baby still sleeping "]
I'm still trying to get a hang of this Chinese New Year tradition, but I learned this today. ["Not married", "Don't need to give red pocket money"]
This is why I love being a business owner ["Woke up on monday ", "Without a case of the mondays "]
Those who live in a large city will understand. ["Leaves car parked in street for a few days", "No broken windows or parking tickets"]
My willpower is strong! ["Ate a box of girl scout cookies in two sittings", "Instead of the usual one sitting"]
At first I was annoyed then I realized it was a good thing. ["My cake day happened", "Too busy having a real life to notice"]
I look forward to Amazon ads on my phone now!!!! ["Looked up a thrift shop purchase on amazon", "Keeping getting ads on my phone for it reminding me of the great deal i found"]
Happened yesterday. Just realized how awesome ["Stuck in bed with a horrible flu", "History channel is running a vikings marathon. "]
Just started a super stressful new room service system at work... ["Stop a coworker nearly in tears during breakfast line rush and just give her a hug to calm her down", "Get recognized during huddle after line for good sportsmanship and get free lunch as a reward"]
I am honestly very exceited (and so is she), and we're seeing The Choice. We can't wait! :) ["I have my first date ever", "With a girl this sunday, valentine's day"]
Not even a yellow ["Running late for work", "Every stoplight green"]
Looks like my luck has finally turned. ["Drowning in credit card debt, got looked over for a promotion and the landlord had just decided to up the rent. ", "Received an email from a prince living in a small african country offering me 10% of his wealth in return for a small favor. "]
I learned my lesson, I'm just glad I got off easy this time. ["Just got out of a nasty break up with someone at work", "Manager confirms she got let go for bad behavior"]
I even wiped up the excess. ["Super glued something", "Didn't get any on my finger!"]
The advantage of my birthday being on Feb 13th. ["Birthday sex", "Followed by valentine's day sex"]
I was in the spirit of valentine's day ["Told crush i have liked for a while ", "She had the same fellings "]
For the first time in a long time, it feels I may reach the promised land ["Checked my automatic student loan payments", "Principal portion greater than the interest"]
the little victories at work ["Boss comes over to my desk to talk", "While im working"]
Everyone that is young and live in a big city knows my pain. My and the SO are so happy just had to share here ["Found a nice apartment", "At a reasonable price"]
Made my night! ["Got pulled over going 15 over", "Got a written warning"]
Almost lost my super computer in a Divorce. ["Soon to be ex-wife demands home made super computer in divorce.", "She signs a legal agreement stating she only gets movies and pictures on an external hard drive because that's all she wanted."]
I was so over joyed, but it's weird to see my fluffy little kitty so damn thin... ["Thought cat that had been in my family for years had been killed in a snowstorm due to not seeing her in weeks", "Saw her alive and well, but somewhat thin, outside while glancing out the kitchen window"]
My coworker was very impressed, I was just relieved ["Accidentally dropped my phone from the top of a ladder.", "Didn't break it."]
Don't like the weather or the roads, but love the free extra days off. ["School gave a friday to monday four day weekend last week", "Three snow days for one school day, and 9 days off total since last week"]
had a huge smile on face the rest of the day ["Boss just came by my desk", "Not on reddit actually working"]
'twas a close call though ["Went out drinking and eating pizza till very late", "Didn't shit my pants on the train to work in the morning"]
I had completely forgotten. ["Spontaneously bought my mom flowers to brighten her day", "It was her birthday"]
It's better than political bullshit or stupid Tumblr SuperWhoLock bullshit... ["Scrolling through a bunch of bullshit on facebook", "Found a birthday chart that said i would be with daenerys targaryen in the game of thrones universe"]
I feel better already ["When you are home sick ", "And realize that it is the day netflix releases the 4th season of house of cards"]
I still swung and miss, though ["Throw a full-speed punch while dreaming"]
I think all of my sim racing over the years really helped how I handled the situation. Just experienced my first irl tire blowout. ["Tire blew out at 75 mph", "Stayed completely calm and safely stopped it"]
I really thought he was joking. ["37 years old", "Got carded buying beer"]
After the month I've had, this is terrific news ["Went to the doctor to get spots checked out", "Not genital warts"]
I'm an idiot ["Put new 128gb usb key into washer", "Still works"]
It only took about 6 months for me to get it right ["Now that we've sprung forward", "The clock in my kitchen is finally correct again"]
I always struggled with my weight and finally took control back in August. I've lost 86 pounds and reached a milestone today. ["For the first time in my adult life ", "I weigh less than 200lbs"]
First time in a long time. ["Made it through my birthday", "Without attempting suicide even once"]
No need to pander to you fools... ["Doesn't do meme pose", "Still makes front page"]
Been looking forward to those Reece Puffs since I bought them... ["First day off and chance to sleep in in 3 weeks. poured a bowl of cereal and reached for milk", "Expires today"]
She simply said 'Yes' ["Proposed on the ides of march", "Didn't get stabbed"]
Sometimes you catch that Goldilox zone. ["Catch a new popular youtube video", "Before they get a chance to place an ad before it. "]
Weight loss contest at work. Timing is everything. ["Initial weigh-in right before big dump", "Final weigh-in right after big dump"]
I didn't even want to dry my hands. ["Used the sink in a fast food restaurant. ", "Got hot water"]
I've never woken up so grateful in my life ["Feel panic attack start to come on", "Exhaustion kicks in, and i fall asleep before it can get into full swing"]
The twist is, I'm a teacher. ["Woke up and checked the bus schedule", "Snow day"]
Perfect Timing ["Left town for a few days", "Wife started her period"]
My dad gave it to me a few years ago. Still had the bags. ["Got an old time vacuum cleaner that still used bags like when i was a kid", "Something broke in it today and i can finally take it apart. "]
Needed some good news. ["I get a job offer for good money with a solid company after being laid off in january. ", "My wife comes home from a meeting at work and tells me she got a promotion. "]
A good start to my Tuesday. ["Put on last years spring jacket for the recent weather change", "Found $20 in the pocket"]
Feeling pretty psyched about my luck. ["Applied to any job i could, went to 3 interviews, would have taken any of the jobs", "The offer i get pays the best out of all the jobs, is in the next town over, reduces my commute by 2 hours a day, and offers me free gym and health insurance"]
I was ready to do battle - I'm glad I didn't have to ["Call up parking enforcement to argue about a ticket that was sent to me by mistake ", "They realize their mistake immediately and remove me from their records"]
A big "fuck yeah!" for preventative health care. ["Had a polyp removed from my colon", "That was benign but one stage from becoming cancerous"]
There was a time where I thought I was never gonna find something that I truly feel fulfilled by ["Finally got a job after 9 months unemployment", "My boss today told me howlucxt he feels that i am working for them"]
It still does all its basic functions! ["Dropped phone in toilet", "Only a little broken"]
Have a drink on me, friends. I'll drive. ["Today i'm celebrating 37 years,", "3 months, and 14 days sober!"]
We all have that one friend who is awesome but doesn't like a lot of people. ["Isnt religious ", "If i had to pick a godparent for my son, you would be one "]
Internet Success ["When your thread is #1 on /r/all", "It feels good"]
I haven't been this ridiculously giddy in such a long time. . . ["Biopsy results came in today", "Don't have skin cancer"]
In this age of global interconnection and instant communication it's not very often that this sort of thing happens but when it does, wow! ["Finally got around to watching batman v superman", "Had avoided spoilers enough that doomsday's appearance was a surprise"]
I honestly thought I was going to die in poverty ["25 with a music degree", "Just got a fulltime 6ok a year job in music"]
After years of problems with my teeth and gums ["Brushed teeth this morning", "No blood!"]
Helps being a day ahead of the US ["Made it through april 20th", "Without hearing any 4/20 jokes"]
The little joys in my workplace ["First one to use the new copier in my building", "Shortcut #1"]
I've said it way too many times. ["Planet fitness employee said \"have a good workout!\"", "Didn't say \"you too!\" "]
As new parents, this was a big day ["Having hot dirty sex", "Newborn doesn't interrupt "]
I do a blog about the MLB Draft, and every month, they track site stats and rank the most visited Blogs. After having what was probably my best month ever, I was surprised, and later honored to see that my blog had been reclassified. And it's all thanks to Reddit. [" blog not listed among top fan blogs", "Listed as 4th most visited minor league pro blog"]
It only took an hour... ["First time with the baby all day.", "Finally able to get her down for a nap."]
I don't want my kids eating fast food junk food. ["I have 2 kids ages 6 & 4.", "They have no idea about ronald mcdonald or hamburglar."]
As if Civil War werent great enough. ["Ca: civil war premiere and anniversary land on same day", "Ads remind me when my anniversary is"]
DOTA2 6.87 Patch notes awwww yeah! ["Dota2 6.87 patch notes come out", "Every one of the heroes i play buffed"]
The sweet sweet glory of a good long cakeday ["Thought my cakeday was over", "Realized i'm on vacation in a different timezone"]
F Canada. Sorry. ["Any americans watching playoff hockey", "Don't have to listen to the canadian anthem as well as us. "]
My bosses were none the wiser ["Showed up to work 20 minutes late", "Everyone was in a meeting, so no one found out"]
Two years of neuropathy ["Scratched my ass", "Felt it!"]
I wonder if he remembers ["When i was a kid I told my dad i would \"never watch the news or stop watching cartoons\"", ""]